Page 68 of Dirty Roxie
Roxie
I thought I knew violence. Thought I’d experienced it even. But what I just saw Ronan do defies humanity. What started as Andrei is now a mass of unrecognizable blood and tissue, with the occasional bone poking through. Ronan didn’t just beat Andrei to death. He annihilated the very idea of him. Yelling out things that barely made sense, but I still knew had to do with his mom and her death.
Even when I tried talking to him, it was like he was in another world. Transported to a place where all that existed was him, his pain, and this receptacle for his rage. He just kept going until he collapsed. His midsection bloodied after he split all his sutures. His fists in tatters. Sweat pouring down his body. His breath coming in pants.
Ronan sits on the ground with his back to the wall, near where Andrei’s body had fallen. His knees pulled up to his chest, head bowed between them, forearms resting on either one. The picture of defeat. Except as near as I can tell, he won. Andrei is gone and Ronan is here. But I don’t know all the demons he has lurking behind his emotional walls. And I can’t help him fight what I don’t know exists.
I want to go to him. Console him. Tend to his cuts, re-stitch his wound. Soothe the emotional hurt. But at the same time, I’m afraid to interrupt whatever personal penance ritual he may be in the midst of.
I know a bit about emotional hurt. Not that I’ve shared it with him, because I haven’t. Daria is the only one who knows my past, the only one who knows why I’m involved with her Dirty Darlings. But I wonder if one good turn deserves another. He told me about his mom. Maybe it’s time I tell him about me. And Charlie. And how I’ll never forgive myself for what happened. Ever.
* * *
It takes another thirty minutes for me to work up the nerve to approach Ronan. Once I do, he is easily led back to the car, then to the resort, up to our room, and finally into the shower.
We stand there under the many showerheads, letting the water wash away the blood and tears. I take my time with a soft cloth and mild soap washing his face and body, taking extra care around his bullet wound and with his hands. Ronan stays stoic and stone-like. Even though I know the streams of water must hurt as they penetrate the cuts and scrapes, he doesn’t say a word. He eventually sits on the shower bench and lets me wash his hair. His eyes shut while my fingers run through his now golden locks. I try to ease the tension from his body, starting at the top and working my way down.
From kneading at the tired muscles in his shoulders and arms—trying to force some life back into them with my touch—to his mid-section and further south. His hardening cock the only sign that he is even alive inside there. I lower to my knees and take him in my mouth, sucking first on the tip, then his entire length. When his hands grab the sides of my head, I know I have him back, at least a little bit.
He takes control almost immediately. Ruthlessly fucking my face. Tears stream down my face as I gag, trying to relax my throat. I put my hands on his knees, not sure if I want to push away or pull in closer. The decision made for me as he reaches his release with a loud groan, thick spurts shooting down my throat. I swallow as much as I can, letting the rest dribble out my mouth and wash away with the water.
I look up at him, his face a contortion of anger, regret, and something close to adoration. He pulls me to my feet, throws one of my legs over his shoulder, and feasts on me. That being the only word adequate to describe the onslaught of teeth, lips, and tongue that attach themselves to my center. The feeling so intense I want him to stop, and at the same time, keep going forever.
I come faster than I ever have before, a flash of heat rushing through me, followed by an explosion of senses. I try to push his head away, but he doesn’t stop. Growling in return. And before I realize it, I’m coming again. And then a third time minutes later.
Only then does he release me. My body wilts against the cool shower wall. He returns my earlier favor by washing me gently, covering my body in small kisses in between words of reverence and adoration. Ronan turns off the shower when we finish washing for a second time, silently wrapping me in a towel, then grabbing one for himself, briskly rubbing his body dry.
He leads me to the bed and pushes me to sit on it. Taking a second towel to dry my hair, then using the one around me to finish drying my body.
“Ro—” I start to speak, but he holds a finger against my lips to silence me. Then pushes me down on the bed and toward the middle. He blankets his body with mine and enters me with a single thrust. My breath leaves me with a whoosh. My body stretches to accommodate him, now knowing why it took three orgasms to prepare me for him.
Where I thought he would be rough and fast, he takes his time with slow, languid thrusts. The pleasure building to a point where I feel almost frantic for my release.
“Oh god, Ronan, please.”
He reaches between us and pinches my clit lightly, and I fall into the abyss of senseless bliss and utter satisfaction. Where everything else fades away except for the thrill of our bodies connecting in a most gratifying way. He groans into his own release at once, thrusting through it, then one last push, so deep I feel like he’ll break through me.
I don’t move. I can’t. Not until he rolls us over, so I’m lying on top of him. His arms tight around me, face buried in my neck. I loll against him and lay my cheek against the top of his head, trying to catch my breath. Wondering what this means if anything. And if I helped to get him back to feeling normal after his ordeal with Andrei.
He pulls the covers over us, seeming to settle in. It’s only after I hear the first light snore I realize he’s asleep. I take a long time to do the same. My mind races in a million different directions. I’ve had great sex. Many times, but this was more than that. It felt more like our souls were connecting—at the risk of sounding lame and sentimental. I’m not sure how to explain it. I can only hope he feels it too.
The problem is, I don’t know if I can go back to just sex after this.
