Page 53 of Dirty Roxie
Quinn
Rationally I know Daria isn’t trying to kill me. Just scare me. Because it scared her when I was missing. Still, I can’t stop the scream when it erupts from my throat. Something about my blood on the knife, and truth be told, the realization of what an utter fucking idiot I am. All together it just boiled to the surface and then ran over.
Because she’s right.
What kind of personwantsto be kidnapped. I mean, I had these thoughts when I was alone in that room as it was. And I thought I’d come to terms with it. But I forgot that no one else knew what I’d planned. And reliving it just now fills me with shame. And regret.
The door bursts open, and Mack and Reed rush in, guns drawn.
All eyes turn to look at them.
“What happened?” Mack asks, slowly holstering his gun with his good arm.
“You okay?” Reed asks me. I nod. But can’t stop the tears from flowing down my face again. He joins me on the couch and pulls me into his lap. I bury my head in his chest and wish I were someone else who was somewhere else. Because for as pissed as Daria is with me, Reed will be even madder. And I don’t want to face the disappointment I’m bound to see on Mack’s face.
Part of me wishes I’d never said anything. Just left the whole kidnapping idea thing alone to be shared only between my therapist and me. I’ve seen my therapist almost every day since I’ve been out of the hospital. And it’s helped me so much already. But I’m also used to sharing everything with Daria. To be honest, I kind of forgot we hadn’t talked about my dumb idea.
“Who the fuck threw a knife at the wall?” Mack asks.
Reed turns his head and sees it. “Was someone in here? Did they try to hurt you?”
“I threw the knife at Quinn,” Daria says.
“What the fuck, Daria?” Reed explodes, fury radiating from his expression.
“Hey, take it easy,” Mack says. “I’m sure they were just fucking around.”
“No, I was serious,” Daria responds. “I nicked her ear on purpose.”
I don’t lift my head from Reed’s chest because I know what’s coming next, and I don’t want to be a part of it.
“You going to tell them, Quinn?” Roxie surprises me by asking. “Or am I?”
Her tone is not friendly either. And I realize that I’ve pissed everyone off that I love. Except for Mack and Reed, but they’re next. And I’ll be left with no one. And it will be my fault. Because I’m an idiot.
“I’ll tell them,” I sigh, lifting my head to look at Reed. His expression is confused but encouraging. Then Mack, who gives me a soft smile. And finally, I look to my lap, where my hands rest, my nails all bit to the quick, my fingertips still healing from trying to pry bricks loose from the wall of that basement they’d locked me in. Then take a deep breath before letting it out in one big whoosh. “I wanted to be kidnapped.”
“No onewantsto be kidnapped,” Reed says.
“I did.” I look around the room, hoping to find caring eyes staring back at me. Instead, all I see is anger and confusion. And worst of all, hurt. “I thought if I could get kidnapped by the traffickers, you, Reed, could come and rescue me, and we could help take them all down from the inside.”
“How did you even know where I was?” Reed asks.
“I didn’t. I just assumed that’s where you were.”
“So, you assumed I was with Andrei’s crew, and you got yourself kidnapped by them on purpose to help me?” Reed’s tone is incredulous. Not that I blame him. The more times I have to repeat it, the more questions that are asked, the worse it sounds. And the worse I feel.
“No, I didn’t make it to the point of getting myself kidnapped. They kidnapped me first when I was on my way.”
“Wait, let me get this straight,” Mack interjects. “You were going to go to a place where you knew Andrei and his gang would kidnap you to try and meet up with Reed and take them down?”
“For the most part, yes.” I look up at Daria, her gaze is hard and angry, and I hope, for my sake, that it can’t get much worse than this. “Also, I wanted Reed to rescue me.”
“Quinn,” Reed says, “what if I hadn’t been there?”
“That didn’t occur to me at the time. I just wanted you to be my knight in shining armor.”
“Your knight in shining armor?” Reed pinches the bridge of his nose and shuts his eyes. Inhaling deeply and letting it out slowly.
