Page 24 of Love Resurrected
Because marriage doesn’t work.
It’s that simple.
8
Brad
Chief calls me into his office shortly after I begin my day shift, because desk duty has me on days, like a fucking nine-to-fiver. I hate every minute.
“You wanted to see me, Chief?” I say, knocking on his open door.
“Yeah, come on in, Mathews. Have a seat.” He gestures to the chair in front of his desk. I do as he requests and wait for whatever news he’s about to dispense. Because anytime you’re called into his officeandhe asks you to sit, it’s not going to be good news.
“Recruitment is down,” he says.
I nod in response.
“It needs to be up.” He looks at me expectantly.
“What does that have to do with me?” My voice comes out harsher than I intend.
“Well, with your charming personality, I thought you’d be a good choice to work with the city liaison to get our numbers up to where they should be. You’d be the representative for FD, and PD is assigning someone. The mayor would like to hold a recruitment fair at the end of the month.”
I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less.
I nod. “What all does it entail?”
“The mayor has called a meeting for later today at her office with her, the city liaison, PD rep, and you. She’s got some ideas she wants to fill you in on, then you all can come up with a game plan from there.”
“Okay.” I stand and turn to leave.
“And, Mathews?”
“Yeah, Chief?”
“I expect good things from you with this.”
Fuck.
“Got it, Chief. Thanks.” I leave his office and head back to the front desk, my prison for the next few weeks until I’m cleared for field duty again. With my checkered past I’m actually lucky to still have a job most of the time. I have a tendency to be a real dumbass when I’m upset, and usually where Kat is concerned. Was concerned. There was a time, way back when, where she and I had broken up, when I was reckless and stupid and almost lost my job. Definitely lost all chance of a promotion.
When I returned to work from my leave of absence after she passed, I wasn’t much smarter. Taking unnecessary chances, putting myself and my co-workers’ lives in jeopardy. Stupid shit. So, while I may hate desk duty, I deserve it. If I’m honest with myself, I knew my actions would either result in death or desk duty. Most times though, I stillpreferdeath would have prevailed. But I’m trying, or at the very least, I’mtryingto try, to work toward being okay with continuing a life I’m not remotely interested in living.
“Want some company?”
I look up and see Ethan standing there. I nod and kick a chair toward him. When I was active in the field, Ethan was my partner. He’s also my best friend. But I’ve been distant toward him, purposefully, since Kat passed. He’d been married a few weeks before she relapsed, and I was his best man.
By then, everyone had paired up, all of mine and Kat’s friends. Remi had already had the gruesome three-some, Lexie was pregnant for the first time, and it appeared everyone’s life was perfect. Full steam ahead on the exact tracks we’d all intended. Until Kat’s health plummeted. She died, and everyone else just kept on moving forward, as though our lives hadn’t been irrevocably changed. As though mine hadn’t come to a complete standstill.
Now Ethan’s wife, Sadie, is due to give birth to their first child in the next month, and he’s over the fucking moon excited. I try to be happy for him, to be that friend he needs, the same support he was to me when I needed him. But I just can’t find it in myself to celebrate in his joy. I’m jealous because it’s how I’d envisioned Kat and I would spend our future. I’m just not a big enough man to put that behind me and celebrate with him.
I’m an asshole.
Instead of planning a life with Kat, she’s sitting in an urn on my mantle and I’m on desk duty. Pretending to smile when Ethan shows me his ten-thousandth 3-D sonogram photo.
“You got a name picked out yet, man?” I ask to be polite.
“Audrey Ann,” he says proudly.
