Page 91 of Love Resurrected
My love for Kat filled every single hole and crevice in my soul. No way can that ever be replicated or replaced.
Nessa’s musings push through once more:It’s a tribute to how much the two of you loved each other to find love again. How else do you recognize love again if not for having experienced it before?
How does she know? What makes her right over anyone else? How is it she shows up in my life at the exact time Ineedher? What makes Tenley so special?
You know the answer to that also.
She understands me. She accepts me, even as broken as I am.
She’s broken through that once impenetrable wall around your soul.
“Well, fuck,” I say aloud, as I turn my truck around and head back to Tenley’s.
33
Tenley
I wake up slowly. Mornings are not my favorite anyway, but especially not when I’ve only gotten a couple hours sleep. And by a couple, I mean, like, two. I roll over to see if Brad is awake, but that side of the bed is empty. And cold. Meaning, he left a while ago.
I sit up and look around, hoping to glimpse his clothes. My floor only holds remnants of my striptease after Brad returned to my house last night.
He did it again.
He left right after being with me. I guess it’s better than vomiting, but still not great. I don’t get it. The sex was amazing. If I knew a word that meant better than amazing, I’d use that one. We had one of those moments where you just know, this person is it for me.
Or at leastIhad that moment.
I need Sadie.
I can’t have Sadie. The baby and Ethan have Sadie.
I get up and make coffee, then pace around my house for a while, trying to talk myself into being okay with all this Brad wishy-washiness.
He came back last night, about twenty minutes after he’d dropped me off. I wasn’t in bed yet. Hadn’t even changed out of my clothes. Instead, I’d been sitting in my living room, looking out the picture window at the lights of San Soloman below, trying to get a handle on how I felt about two public, and rushed, encounters with this man. Thinking to myself, why can’t he just have sex in a bed?
Maybe it was just me he couldn’t have sex in a bed with.
Or maybe having sex in a bed was too much commitment, and I’m just a cum receptacle.
I’d laughed at myself.
Until he came back, and we had sex in a bed. In fact, that was even the line he used when I’d answered the door.
“Want to try this in a bed? And take more than five minutes to do it?”
I’d nodded, and next thing I knew, his lips were on mine and he was walking me backwards into my bedroom. A few hours of mind-blowing, soul-shifting sex later, and now here I am. And once again, he’s gone.
I definitely need Sadie.
I set my kitchen timer for ninety minutes, making myself wait that long to reach out to her. Reminding the needy part of me she’s still at the hospital, just out of surgery, the baby was in danger—she has her own shit to worry about. And I decide to distract myself by bleaching the grout lines of my bathroom counter. By hand. With bleach and a toothbrush.
The moment the timer dings, I text Ethan to see if she’s awake and can talk. I feel selfish and petty wanting her attention at a time like this. But I do.
She’s my person.
I don’t have anybody else.
Instead of getting a text back from Ethan, I get a video call from Sadie.
