Page 88 of Love Resurrected
I opt for a vanilla cappuccino and hope for the best. We find a small table and sit down, but it’s comfortable and awkward. At least for me. The silence is comfortable, but that it’ssosilent is awkward. Emotions have run so high today, and of such an intimate nature, I’m not sure how to bridge the gap I’m feeling from almost everyone right now.
When I saw the look in Sadie’s eyes as they brought her the baby, and then as she looked at Ethan, it hit me she and I will never be the same. As friends. Her priorities are forever changed, and it’s natural that should happen. God forbid a mother should birth a child andnotfeel that way. But from here on out, it will be baby Audrey, then Ethan, then herself, and then me.
If I’m to be honest, that’s part of what I cried about when we left the room. I will never get back the Sadie that I once had. In some respects, it’s like she’s died. Though, I’m sure someone like Brad would disagree with me and insist having the person still alive in any shape or form is better than having them dead. But I would argue back that, for me, a part of Sadie died today.
Just like a part of her died the day she met Ethan, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have no way to combat that and wanting to do so just makes me a shitty person. Why wouldn’t I want my friend to move on and be happy? To meet the man of her dreams and have his babies? Part of me definitely wants that for her, but some other super small part of me wanted things to stay the same. Where it was me and Sadie against the world.
Like how it began, when she first befriended me and quickly became the most important thing in my world. That hasn’t changed, no for me. But it’s changed irrevocably for her. I can’t let that bother me. Or maybe I can, but only when I’m alone.
“Let what bother you?” Brad asks.
“Whatwhat?” I ask.
“You said something about it only bothering you when you’re alone.”
“I did?” Shit. I hate when I talk my thoughts aloud.
He nods and sips at his coffee. He looks so in his element, even here like this. It’s amazing to me.
“Tell me,” he says.
“No judgment,” I preface.
“No judgment.”
“Part of why I was crying earlier . . .” I pause and he nods for me to continue. “Sadie’s entire life has changed. All of a sudden, she has these new commitments and priorities, and she should. Her child and husband should always come first. But given that, I’m barely in the top five now, whereas she’s still themostimportant person in my life. Nothing has changed for me and everything has for her. It makes me feel a little at a loss, you know?”
He stares at the inky liquid in his paper cup, as though it will give him some answer to then give to me.
“I’ve been so caught up in my own shit, I didn’t even realize the same is true for E. I don’t think guys really prioritize their friends in the same way that women do. Or maybe that was just me.” He pauses and smiles. I wait silently, hoping he’ll keep talking.
“But Ethan’s entire life has just changed. Gone are guy nights and poker games, and happy hours. I didn’t think about that before now. Mostly because I’m self-absorbed and was only thinking of myself until a short while ago, but also because this is somewhat recent for him. And I want this for him, I do. But I get what you’re saying about now being left out. Ethan will put his family and work before me, every time, and I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want it any other way, but I didn’t think about how that would impact me until now.”
He looks sad suddenly. I feel bad for bringing that out for him.
“I’m sorry if I brought up something negative for you.” I reach across the table and try to take his good hand in mine. He lets me for the briefest of moments before squeezing mine gently and pulling his back into his lap. I try to be okay with that, but, in all honesty, it feels like yet another person who is separating themselves from me. I hate that.
“You want to get out of here? Come back fresh tomorrow?” he asks.
“I would love that.”
We make our way back upstairs and peek into Sadie’s room. She’s asleep, but Ethan is awake, sitting in the chair beside the bed, resting his head next to hers on her pillow. The baby is not in the room.
“They had to take Audrey back to the NICU,” Ethan whispers. “They gave Sadie something to help her sleep.”
I nod and head over to kiss Sadie on the forehead, then lean across and squeeze Ethan’s arm. He nods back at me, waves a hand at Brad, then immediately turns his attention back to Sadie. Brad and I slip out quietly.
He has a harder time helping me into his truck with only one working hand, but I manage into the cab just fine. I turn to thank him anyway, but he’s closer than I thought, and I’m surprised to find we are eye to eye, with our faces only inches apart.
I lose myself in his eyes; they are so beautiful and happy and sad, all at the same time. He looks from my eyes to my lips and back again. I want to kiss him. I think he wants me to kiss him. We end up meeting halfway. The kiss is soft and fleeting at first, where we barely touch. He pulls away an inch and runs his nose against mine, then dives back in.
This kiss is hard and hungry, like he decided to actually kiss me, so he is. His good hand slips behind my head and holds it in place while his casted hand wraps around behind my back and pulls me toward him. I slide on the leather seat, widening my legs so he can step between them.
He pushes his hard length against me. My panties flood, and I can smell my arousal in the small space. He pushes me prone on the seat and I scoot back until my head is hitting the driver’s side door. He climbs in after me and moves to shut the door, then attempts to unbuckle his belt with one hand.
“Here, let me,” I say as I reach for him, getting his belt and pants undone in seconds. Luckily, my romper has big, almost skirt-like, shorts on the bottom, so I pull the legs up and tug my panties to the side, then help Brad guide himself inside me.
“Oh, god, Tenley,” he moans, sinking all the way in.
