Page 54 of Love Resurrected
“I did.”
“I want to lick my bowl clean,” I admit.
“I don’t mind.” He gestures toward my bowl, as though giving me permission to lick it. I’m tempted, but I can’t bring myself to actually do it. If I were with Sadie and Ethan, absolutely. But here with this guy I barely know—definitely not.
He seems disappointed I don’t lick my bowl and takes it into the kitchen, along with his. Now, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. When he returns to the table, he serves us each a large serving of lasagna. I’m only slightly worried about garlic breath after this. But if I have it, he will too. I’m still not ready to have sex with him, even after the pre-dinner make out session, which was hot.
I think I just don’t trust him. Partly because he doesn’t immediately give off that trust-worthy vibe, despite being a firefighter, and partly because I know Sadie doesn’t care for him, and her opinion is usually spot-on. Her own dating past notwithstanding.
I offer to help him with the dishes once we’ve finished eating, but he waves me off. “I’ll take care of them tomorrow.”
We take our wine to the couch and sit side-by-side.
“That was so good,” I tell him. “I can’t believe how much I ate.”
“I love a woman with a healthy appetite,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows, making me laugh.
He takes my wine glass from me and sets it on the coffee table. So fluid is the maneuver, both now and earlier this evening, I’m sure it’s a practiced move on his part. With just as much finesse, he takes my face in his hands and kisses me. Gently at first, and then with more force. And like each time before, the kiss turns heated fast.
If I could separate my attraction from my emotions, I could keep going and fuck him. But I can’t, not anymore. This new, more mature, Tenley is looking for more from her sexual partners than a quick lay. So, when he moves his hands up my blouse, I tell him no.
And when he tries to undo my jeans, I tell him no.
“I thought you were enjoying this?” he asks.
“I am,” I tell him. “I’m just not ready to go past this point of just kissing.”
“You sure seemed ready when you were humping my leg earlier.”
“Of course I did. I’m not saying you don’t turn me on. I’m saying I don’t want to go beyond first base.”
“Okay,” he says. He seems upset, but also hides it semi-well. When he moves in to kiss me again, I kiss him back. And we stay like that, for a long time. Just kissing, with a little dry humping and our hands in more respectable places.
It’s frustrating, even though I’m the one who put the restrictions in place. There is no greater war than the internal one.
Neil obviously agrees with the frustrating part since he moves his hand up to grab my breast again. I feel like I’m back in high school, in the back seat of Tommy Dorsey’s mom’s Toyota Camry. The push and pull of fooling around before sex.
I move his hand away from my breast and he lets me. Then his other hand slides into the back of my jeans, inching toward my back and front doors. For a moment I’m tempted to just let him keep going, so I don’t have to keep stopping him. Instead, I push at his chest and move from under him to sit up. My chest’s heaving, breath heavy, and eyes lidded.
“I said no.”
“Well, what the fuck, Tenley? I mean, you’re obviously primed, and it’s not like you’re a virgin. Because . . .” He gestures to me and scoffs, as though the idea of me being a virgin is preposterous. I mean, it is. But that’s not for him to say.
“Wow. Okay.”
“Look, I’ve fed you twice, you’ve pushed me off both times. I mean what do you expect?”
“I could ask you the same. What do you expect?”
“I expect to get fucked.”
“Well, fuck you, how’s that?”
His lips thin and his eyes darken. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”
“No problem. Ordering a Lyft as we speak. Asshole!” I stand and grab my purse, searching inside for my phone. I get to his front door before he does and open it, slamming it shut behind me. I make it out to the sidewalk and half a block away before I stop and assess. I mean, what a complete and total dick. Sadie was right, and I hate that she was right. Especially since now I want to call her and ask her to come pick me up.
Shit. I can’t call her, she’s on bed rest.
