Page 109 of Love Resurrected
And after we’re both satisfied again, but before I fall into a deep sleep, I send out a thank you to the powers-that-be for giving me the strength to be open to living again. And more importantly, for allowing it to be with someone as wonderful as Tenley. I don’t know what I did to deserve two such exceptional women in my life, but I’m damn sure going to make certain I’m thankful for it every day that I have it.
41
Tenley
Today is the first time Brad and I will go somewhere together as a couple. And I’m scared shitless, which is stupid since we’re only going to Ethan and Sadie’s house. And it’s for baby Audrey’s Welcome to the World party. Pretty much everyone who will be there already knows we are seeing each other. But somehow having them know, versus having them see us in person, is different.
Not to mention, except for Sadie, these are all friends who knew Kat. Or knew Kat and Brad together. We’ve talked about it a few times, Brad and me. I know he still loves her, and I know he always will. But I also know his heart is big enough, and has the capacity, to also love me. He hasn’t said the actual words yet, but his actions speak much louder.
It’s been two months since the recruitment fair, and Brad and I have hardly spent a night apart since. Had you told me before, I never would have believed a man could be so hard and soft at the same time. By that, I mean Brad is all alpha on the outside and all teddy bear on the inside. The same man who growls, literally growls, when another man so much as smiles at me, is the same one who carefully wrapped my finger in a Band-Aid when I cut it last week, then kissed it to make the hurt go away.
I watch him now, from a chair in my bedroom, as he finishes shaving in the bathroom. His cast is off, and he’s been in physical therapy for his hand, and most of the functionality is coming back. I’m happy to help him exercise his fingers on my clit whenever necessary. I’m a giver like that.
He’s humming some kind of song as he pulls the razor up his neck. I love him like this, ordinary Brad doing everyday things. With me.
Do you?
Do I?
Love him?
Oh god. I think I do. I think I’m in love with him. I swallow down the panic and try to reassure myself it’s perfectly okay. He hasn’t said it yet, but he feels it. And even though I haven’t said it yet, he must know I feel it too.
I send a silentthank youto Kat, a habit I’ve picked up, thanks to Brad. For me, she’s the guardian angel over our relationship. So, when I’m conflicted, or thankful, I talk to her in my mind. Never aloud, like Brad admits to doing, though he hasn’t done it in front of me. But, whether it’s me getting clear with my thoughts, or whether Kat really is a guardian angel, all I know is when I talk to her, I feel better.
She is a supporter of this relationship, or maybe more that she just wants Brad to be happy. Whatever the reason, I’m so grateful to her for helping Brad to see the way to opening his heart to love again, and it occurs to me that I should tell him how I feel. It’s possible he’ll freak out, but it’s also possible it will be good. A positive step forward for our relationship.
He pats down his face and steps out of the bathroom in just a towel.
I whistle at him as he goes.
“You whistling at me?” he asks in a terrible Robert DeNiro voice. “Are you whistling at me?”
I laugh. “Hell, yes, I am.”
He walks over to me, planting a loud, wet kiss on my lips, then pulls his towel away and throws it over my head. “I’m not just a piece of meat, you know,” he says as he disappears into the walk-in closet. He started leaving clothes and things here about two weeks ago. So far, it has yet to freak either of us out, so we’re going with it.
He comes out dressed in jeans and a snug t-shirt that shows off all the muscles in his arms, chest, and abs.
“I liked you better as a piece of meat.” I wink.
He takes my hand and pulls me up so I’m standing. “Are you ready for this?”
“You mean our first public appearance as a couple?”
“That’s exactly what I mean.” He wraps his arms around me until I’m flush against him.
“I think it’s harder for you than it is for me,” I tell him, wiggling my hands under his arms to clutch at his shoulders from behind.
“I was going to say the same thing,” he says, rubbing the tip of his nose against mine.
“I’m good. I think.”
“Me too.” He bends down to give me a quick kiss. I don’t know what I would do without his constant display of affection. I need it, I’m hungry for it. I don’t know if I could survive without it.
And that scares the shit out of me.
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