Page 132 of I Heart Mason Cartwright
Willow
I tellP-Tink to stay in the house, then open the front door, and shriek in surprise at the man ready to knock.
“Dad?” I ask.
“Willow, I was hoping we could talk. May I come in?”
“Uh . . . sure. I was just, um . . .” I want to ask him if Mason is still out there. It’s important to me that he’s still there. Somewhere in my mind it proves that I come first.
“Mason and Zach are in the back seat of that car if you are wondering,” my dad says. “I said I would bring them their keys and wallets.”
“Oh, are they leaving?” Dread fills my body and weighs down my heart. Mason is leaving. Our first fight and he’s through.
“I asked them to leave us for a few hours. I hope that was okay.”
“You asked them to leave?” I confirm.
“Yes. They would not be leaving otherwise. Or at least Mason would not be. He said that he would be back first thing in the morning though. And then after that he wouldn’t be leaving again until he’d convinced you that you’re the most important thing in the world to him.”
My heart soars and I can’t stop the smile that takes over my face. Both of which have seem to forgotten that we are mad at Mason. I get the wallets and keys for my dad to take to Mason and Zach. As an afterthought I add shoes and jackets to the pile.
“Would you like coffee?” I ask him.
“I would love it,” he says. “I’ll be right back.” He leaves to give the boys their things.
I’ve got coffee brewing by the time he returns.
“This is for you.” He hands me a small piece of paper. It’s a receipt that’s been ripped in half. On the back Mason has written:
I love you. Only you. Always you. Please allow me to explain. I did something stupid, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. Just five minutes. Please.
Love, M
PS—Zach says he loves you and don’t be mad
I read it twice, then tuck it in my pocket. Dad and I both get a cup of coffee, then return to the living room. I sit in my favorite chair where I feel most comfortable. My dad sits across from me on the couch. I wait for him to start.
“I owe you an apology and an explanation,” he says. I do my best to keep all emotion off my face and sip my coffee.
“I’ve done you wrong, Willow, for a long time. And I’m sorry. I have no reason or excuse other than I was weak.” He places his palms up and shrugs his shoulders, then leans forward, elbows to knees. “When your mother died, a part of me did as well. I know you know that, and I know the same is true for you.”
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before continuing.
“But, while it made you stronger, it made me weaker. Infinitely weaker. I felt incomplete and unfinished. Like I didn’t belong in my own skin. Or my own life. I didn’t know how to give you what you needed, and I didn’t want to make the effort to learn how. I just allowed myself to wallow.”
His voice breaks, making me want to go to him. Comfort him. But I force myself to stay seated. If I stop him now, if I make it okay now, I may never get the whole story from him. And I desperately need to know why he’s done the things he has.
“It wasn’t until I met Cassandra that I even started to breathe again.”
He looks at me, as if seeking reassurance. I nod and smile halfway so he will continue.
“And when AshLynn was born, it was like my chance to do it all over again. Not just fatherhood, but as a husband and a man. I failed your mother in so many ways, Willow. So many. But she accepted and forgave. Over and over again. I didn’t deserve it. You have no idea how little I deserved that from her. Which in turn made me feel small and ineffective. It was emasculating when it should have been empowering.”
“Are you blaming her for your shortcomings?” I interrupt.
“No.” He shakes his head vigorously. “Not at all. Make no mistake, it was all me who felt this way. My own insecurities magnified, I felt guilty and insufficient. I’d taken your mother’s last name for god’s sake. There weren’t many ways for me to prove my manhood as far as I was concerned.”
It never occurred to me how that may have made him feel, emotionally. I always just assumed it was a good business opportunity for him, so he took it. To realize that it was probably both good and bad in equal measure is a little mind-blowing.
