Page 118 of Love Unavoidable
“As a person. Do you get along? Can you find a common ground with him?”
“Yes, but not enough to spend my life with him. There’s no passion, he’s not my lightning bolt love.”
“Exactly my point. This whole thing that your grandparents have concocted about one true lightning bolt love is horse shit. Not only is it unreasonable, but it leaves you at a constant risk, emotionally. It’s just not rational to put your heart on the line. The boy I mentioned, he hurt me, Sadie, when he sided with his family on an issue I could not abide by. I didn’t think I would ever recover from losing him, sometimes I still don’t think I have.
“That’s no way to live. With chaotic feelings that run from one extreme to another. Staying in control, remaining at a constant state of consciousness,thatis what you strive for. And the only way to have that is to be with someone you don’t allow to create spikes in that constant. Someone you can control.”
I look at her, brow furrowed. I think I know what she is saying, but I don’t think I want her to actually say it.
“Keep your emotions at a level of affection and friendship and not need and desire. You need to remain in balance, if not slightly detached.”
“So, Daddy’s not your lightning bolt?”
“Just stop with the lightning bolt nonsense. Get it out of your head and listen to what I’m telling you. With Aaron, you can keep your emotions in check, stay in control, always have the upper hand. Aaron is the safe choice. And the safe choice is always the right choice. The smart choice.”
It is?
“Are you happy with Daddy?”
“You don’t need to be happy, Sadie Ann,” she snaps. “Grow up. No one is ever happy. It’s about continuity. And support. Your priority is to make sure you are cared for and respected and that your future is taken care of.”
“I don’t . . . that sounds—”
“Smart. It sounds smart. Happily ever-afters are for foolish books and silly movies. Now you need to let go of this nonsense, forget about California, and remember where you come from. And what’s best for you.”
I nod. Not trusting myself to speak. But only because I’m not sure what I would say for one. And two, because I’m baffled by her thoughts on love and marriage. Not to mention that she doesn’t love my dad the way I thought she did. The way my family has been preaching for my entire life. At the level of lightning bolt status.
Wait . . .
“So, you’re saying lightning bolts don’t exist?”
“Sure they do,” she scoffs. “In the sky, during a storm.”
“But what about Pappy and Babs? Or Sawyer and his wife? Seth and his? Shane?” I ask of my grandparents and three of my brothers.
“Convenience. Timing. Companionship. Pregnancy.” She lists off the most mundane reasons I can possibly think of to marry someone. And then I wonder if she’s listing off the reasons they all got married. Shane and his wife became parents seven months after they got married, but said the baby was early.
“So, you’re saying there’s no way that Ethan can be my lightning bolt?”
“Ethan? The man from the wedding?”
“YES! The one I’ve been seeing. Living with.”
“God, no. Could be lust on either of your parts, but it’s not love. And if you’ve been listening to me at all, then you know there’s no lightning bolt.”
I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. I’ve spent my entire life dreaming of this fantastical existence that would befall me upon adulthood, and it’s fake? Just someone’s imaginative tale of what they wish marriage could be? What about Cole and Lexie?
“The first time Ethan touched me, it was like I got a shock. A zing through my body.”
She shrugs. “Static electricity. Now stop with this. It’s just embarrassing. For both of us.”
I should have known better.
Has she ever been happy?
I think on what she’s saying, trying to wrap my head around it. I look over at Mama, she’s got both eyes closed now. “You still here?” she asks without opening them.
“Yep,” I whisper.
