Page 43 of Love Unavoidable
Chapter 11
sadie
It’s almost always a mistake for me to talk to my mother about anything that is going on in my life. And a double mistake to take advice from her. But Tenley was busy today with one of her many volunteer things, and like I’d told Ethan, I got bored. Then I found the box. And I had to talk tosomeone.
And Mama was real clear about it when she said Ethan was a player. She also said most men can’t be trusted and that given enough rope, they will all cheat. I asked her if my daddy cheated on her and she said he came close when I was younger but that she has kept him in line since. My assumption is that all her nagging, nitpicking, and emasculation of Daddy is what she calls keeping him in line. I feel bad for him.
I’ve watched my daddy go from a vibrant, happy-go-lucky man to a shell of his former self. Instead of his eyes dancing about when he looks at you, there’s a hollowness where the brightness used to be. And shadows underneath that reflect the exhaustion of his life overall. If her goal was to take the man and tear him down to pieces leaving nothing in her wake but shattered remnants, she surely succeeded.
I’m the youngest of five and it’s just my four brothers and me. She kept trying until she had a girl is what she’d always say. She’s not as bad with my brothers or me as she is with my dad. That said, my brothers are all married and none of their wives are good enough. Not a one. They are either too social or too serious, workaholics or lazy sponges, domineering or apathetic. And it changes based on her mood. One of my sisters-in-law once went through all Mama’s criticisms in one day.
My brothers just ignore her. I envy that. Like they can literally just tune her out and not even listen to a word she says. She chalks it up to them being boys. But my sisters-in-law and I all know it’s self-preservation.
Which is what I should have kept in mind when I called her today. But I didn’t. So I got a lecture on how I am passing up the opportunity of my life by breaking things off with Aaron. How I will never find someone as kind and understanding or accepting and generous as him.
“Or as boring,” I’d told her.
“Boring is good,” she’d said. “Boring is what you want. Think of that song where they say in order to be happy, your wife has to be ugly. It’s the same with a man. Never make a virile and sexy man your husband. Aaron is the only exception to that rule andthatis only because he has been with you practically since birth. You are the only woman he knows. He doesn’t realize he can get someone better, so he doesn’t know to look. Which means he won’t stray.”
“Wow. Thanks, Mama. You zinged me and Aaron that time. Nice work.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Is that how it is with Dad?”
“I keep your father far too busy and on his toes for him to have time to even look at another woman, let alone anything else.”
Well, that’s probably true.
“So, what you’re saying is, giving Ethan a chance is a mistake and I should go back to Aaron and beg for forgiveness?”
“Yes. You said this man is a firefighter, right?”
“Yeah.”
“He thrives on adrenaline. It’s so obvious. I’m surprised you haven’t thought of this before. He needs excitement, otherwise he wouldn’t do what he does for a living. Running into burning buildings? Come on. Besides, I’ve heard the death benefits aren’t as great as they should be, so if he dies on the job, you’re left high and dry.”
“I work too, you know.”
“It’s not the same. He will always make more money and always have a better retirement plan and a better health plan. That’s just the benefit of being a man.”
“Aaron could get killed on the job,” I’d said.
“Honey, Aaron is an accountant. He will not be killed on the job. He’s the better choice of the two.”
“Even though I don’t love him?”
“Especially then. You don’t risk getting hurt. I mean, I love your father. But would I die without him? No. Does my day start and end with him? No. Would I be just fine if he weren’t in my life? Absolutely.”
“That just doesn’t seem romantic,” I’d said.
“Romance is for the foolish. You want practical. That is how you will succeed in life.”
“Okay, but I don’t think going back to Aaron is the answer.”
“Let’s pretend that he isn’t,” she’d said. “And if that is the case, well, the promiscuous, commitment-phobic player is most definitely not the answer either. You need to just get all this out of your system.”
“What are you saying?”
