Page 10 of Love Unforgettable
Chapter 3
Cole
Driving a Ford F-350 King Ranch truck from just outside of Amarillo, Texas to the Central Coast of California may not sound like fun for some. Especially not when you’re towing two Appaloosa, one American Quarter, and two Thoroughbred horses. But me, I’ve got fourteen different XM Country Channels programmed in my radio, a cooler full of Coke, and a Padron ‘64 Anniversario cigar in my mouth. Hell, I’m happier than a dead pig in sunshine.
I’m moving to the Golden State to run Coastal Oak Ridge Ranch for my grandparents. It’s small in comparison to my parents’ ranch in Texas, but I’ll be running things my way. Plus, I’m the only one out of my four siblings and me who don’t have family already situated or on the way. The five-year difference between my next oldest brother and I gave them all head starts with the family situation. I’m just not there yet.
I suppose I came close to being serious about a girl before I left, but she’s not the one. I know that for certain, just not sure that she does too. Even though I’d never felt the lightning bolt with her, I gave it a shot. I’d already turned thirty-three, I figured it was time. But, it came down to not seeing a future with her. Knowing in my gut that she is not the mother of my future children.
At first everything was fine. But then her sister got engaged and they both went a little cuckoo over it. All that mattered was the wedding. Groom didn’t matter. The relationship definitely didn’t matter. It was all about appearances and the wedding. I get the whole Bridezilla thing, I’ve got sisters, but this went beyond. Way beyond. Had it been me, I’d have ended it right there. But he went through with it.
I knew I had to break it off after her other sister had a baby. We went to the hospital to see it, I saw her holding the baby, and I got no urge to knock her up. No glimpses into the future and having little baby Coles with her. No twinge of feeling. So, I ended it.
Pappy always said when it happens, it’s fast like a surge of electricity running through your body. You know without a shadow of a doubt that’s your mate. And he’s not the only one. My dad proposed to my momma on their second date. She made him wait until the fourth date before she said yes, but that’s just cause she’s feisty like that.
And still, after forty-two years of marriage, my parents continue to enjoy and appreciate one another every day; she laughs at his jokes and he kisses her like he means it. So, I persevere, even though I’m near thirty-five years old, I’m waiting for that feeling to happen. ‘Course, I’m not sure how to identify a feeling that I’ve never felt before, but they all swear it won’t matter. I’ll just know. I suppose it comes down to having faith the universe is working in all the right ways.
My phone rings through the Bluetooth in my car system.
Speak of the devil.
It’s my ex. Charlene. The girl that I know for sure isn’t the one.
“Hey, darlin’, kinda late for you, ain’t it?” I ask. A glance at the dash tells me it’s ten thirty at night in Texas.
“Cole, I’m so glad I caught you.” She sounds out of breath and like she’s been crying.
“Everything okay?” I still care about her. Just not in love with her.
“Well . . . I just . . . I know,” she sighs. “I know we agreed to part ways with you movin’ and all. But, I’m havin’ second thoughts, sweetheart.” Her voice sounds like a cross between Minnie Mouse and Betty Boop, that intensifies when she’s upset. All her sentences end on an up note, like she’s asking a question as it is. But it gets worse when she’s emotional. When we first started dating, it took me a while to realize that was just how she talked, and she wasn’t constantly asking me questions. And I’m sure I confused her when I was always answering things that didn’t need to be answered. But that’s neither here nor there.
“Charlene, darlin’, we talked about this—”
“I know,” she interjects. “But I just really feel like we can make this work. I mean, I can come to you, and—”
“Charlene, you know it’s not just the distance,” I say softly, interrupting her train of thought.
“But, I love you,” she cries.
I’m not sure what to say in return. She knows I’m not in love with her. If she makes me keep repeating as much, it’s just going to hurt her. I don’t want to keep hurting her. I choose to stay silent and let her cry it out. Her sobs are mostly quiet on the other end of the line.
“Darlin’, you deserve to have a man who loves you more than you love him. One who worships the ground that you walk on, dotes on your every word, and thinks all your annoyin’ habits are cute.”
She makes a sound like a half laugh, half cry.
“But, darlin’, that man’s not me. I’m sorry. If I could make it me, I would.”
She takes a deep shuddering breath and lets it out slowly. “I don’t care if I love you more. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be anyway. You know, a woman takin’ care of her man and all.”
“Charlene, darlin’, I refuse to believe you would be happy with that.”
She sighs heavily. “I know. I just . . . I had to try one last time.”
“You gonna be okay?” I hate to cut the conversation short.
Actually, that’s a lie, I don’t hate to cut it short. I want to stop it now before she gets into it too much further. Nothing about our relationship status is going to change by continuing to discuss it. And I definitely don’t want to be rehashing that which is unnecessary while I’m driving late at night hauling three tons of livestock.
“I think so,” she whispers.
“Good girl.”
“Good luck, Cole,” she says.
“Thanks, darlin’.”
We disconnect, and I turn off the radio to drive in silence for a while. My mind suddenly full of thoughts I don’t wish to dwell upon; like how I’ve been waiting a long time for a woman to make my own for the long haul. A small part of me wonders if settling isn’t a smarter choice to make. I wasn’t lying when I told Charlene I wish the guy for her was me. I do. Then I’d be rooted, starting a family, staying in Texas, and my future would be set. Even if settling does make me no better than a doormat in the middle of the sidewalk on a hot summer day.
But instead, I’m moving 1,600 miles away, to another state, with Babs as my sole companion and no lightning bolts in the forecast.
