Page 162 of Love Undiscovered
“We don’t have any picnic things with us,” I say, not knowing how else to try and deflate this plan of hers.
“That’s okay,” she says. “I’m not hungry anyway.”
It doesn’t surprise me that she fails to wonder if I am. She’s always been more narcissistic than anything else. When we were together, I mistook that for independence. But after meeting Remi, I now recognize the difference.
The smoke on the horizon looms larger the closer we get to the Brighton County line.
“Helen, do you see the smoke up ahead?”
“Yep.”
“Okay, so don’t you think we should go in a different direction from the fire?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” she says. “The fire won’t get us.”
“Okay,” I say. “But do you see all the cars on the other side of the freeway who are leaving the area?”
Traffic is bumper to bumper and at a stand-still on the other side of the divider.
“Yep.”
“Don’t you think that maybe we should be going in the same direction as everyone else?”
“We are not sheep, Chancey. We don’t follow. We blaze our own trail. Ha! Blaze. And there’s fire. Oh, I’m funny.”
I can tell by her responses that I’m not going to get anywhere with her as far as this conversation regarding the fire is concerned.
“Chancey,” she says. “It doesn’t matter. True love conquers all.”
“Yes, it does.” I think of Remi as I say it.
Fuck it.
If I’m going to die anyway or end up having something horrible happen at the hands of my crazy-ass ex, it’s going to be on my terms with her knowing my truth.
“Helen… you know that I’m in love with Remi, right?”
“No! No! That doesn’t work, Chancey. The only way the plan works is when we are together. You and me. That’s the plan. Nothing else. Just you and me. We are in love,” she says, her brow furrowed. The car accelerates with a jerk. She switches lanes rapidly back and forth, as though she’s dodging traffic, even though there are few cars on the road with us.
“I’m not in love with you, Helen.” I soften my voice. “I haven’t been for a long time. I’m not sure I ever really was. I’m sorry. But I can’t pretend to have feelings that aren’t there.”
“You said at the hotel that we were getting back together,” she says, her voice rising.
“Helen, I don’t want to hurt you. I care about you. But, I can’t have you thinking we are getting back together. Even if I’m not with Remi, it’s not going to happen.”
“Mimi, Mimi, Mimi! It’s always her. I hate her. God, why didn’t I kill her? Stupid! Stupid!” She bangs the heel of her hand on the steering wheel, causing the car to jerk sharply to the left. I try to grab for something to hang on to but am flung against Helen anyway.
Which makes me wonder if I can somehow fling her out of the driver’s seat. But I’d still have no real way to steer the car. I’ve been trying to loosen the twine around my wrists, but it just cuts into my skin farther. The resulting blood does nothing to lubricate the bindings. If anything, it’s more sticky.
Fuck.
I try to move my hands toward the door handle, but I’ll never reach it without pushing my whole body in that direction. And I’ll never manage that maneuver without alerting Helen.
“She can’t find us, you know,” Helen says.
