Page 74 of Love Undecided
The Date is wearing a vintageRamone’stee shirt, loose-fitting jeans and work boots, which somehow totally flows with Remi’s tight black capris, black bustier, cropped houndstooth swing coat, and leopard print ballet flats. His hair is cut short, almost like a long buzz cut whereas hers falls softly over her shoulders in loose curls. They look like models from a fucking magazine.
Just kill me now.
Remi sees me and points me out to The Date. He puts his hand on her lower back to guide her toward me. It looks so natural, like he should always be putting his hand on the small of her back to guide her through life.
Remi gives me a hug, “Hey, beautiful girl!” she says.
“Hey yourself!” I say.
“This is Alex. Alex, this is one of my besties, Kat.”
Alex looks at me. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Kat. Nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you as well,” I say, smiling. He smiles back.
Lexie comes bouncing over, hugs, kisses, and introductions all around. “We are starting in five minutes, guys,” she says handing us two bottles and three glasses. “I’ll meet you in there.”
She starts to leave then turns back. “Oh yeah, Kat? I just saw Brad and Stacy’s name on the RSVP list for tonight, just wanted to give you a heads up.”
Goodie, my night just keeps getting better.
“I’ll save you a seat, Lexie,” I tell her. “That way I’m not stuck next to Ken and Barbie over here as the eternal third wheel Skipper doll.” She laughs back at me as she heads into the barrel room.
I walk over to where Remi is showing Alex some of Lexie’s awards hanging on the wall. That’s when I feel him walk in. Long before I even see him. I push Alex and Remi in front of me, then peek around Alex’s massive chest to confirm. Yep, there’s Brad and Stacy.
Yay.
Cute, little blonde, little petite, little button nose Stacy in her print capris, sweater set, and flowered sandals.
Barf!
Brad looks good enough to eat in every way my dirty little mind can imagine. Faded jeans, button-down shirt all loose and untucked with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off his muscular, tanned forearms, and his black Chucks. My weakness is and always has been guys in Chucks. My heart starts to race. I can’t let him see me.
Fuck, where is all this angst coming from? I see him all the time.
I grab one of the bottles from Remi. “You guys can have the other bottle, I’m going to need this one for myself,” I say, with a head nod toward the door.
Remi turns to look behind Alex and obviously sees Brad and Stacy. “I feel you, sweetie, grab our normal seats.”
Our normal seats are atop some empty barrels on racks that Lexie moves to the very back of the room just for us. They are close enough to the wall to use it as a backrest, and only one rack high, so easy to climb on without risking your life using Lexie’s ladder. You’d be surprised at how comfortable those barrels are once you’re up there. I turn to head into the barrel room and trip over absolutely nothing, barely righting myself in time to avoid a face-plant.
I turn back to Remi to see if anyone saw, she shakes her head slightly no. But I think she’s just trying to make me feel better.
I head to the barrel room, grab my blanket and my wine and climb up on the middle barrel. Leaving barrels on either side for Lexie, and Alex and Remi, who sneak in right as Lexie begins introducing the movie at the front of the room. Alex climbs up first, then grabs the wine from Remi in one hand and helps her up to sit in front of him with the other, all cozy-like between his legs.
Despair floods through me, I’m never going to have that again. I’m never going to have that special person, a one and only. A guy who will hoist me up on the barrel to sit in front of him and snuggle with me all night.
Except for Brad. Who, apparently, I'm still in love with and want back according to my subconscious. Brad would hoist me on the barrel and snuggle with me all night. But to do that we would have to get back together.
And for us to get back together, I would need to not have Metastatic Breast Cancer.
And he would have to be available.
And just to drive that point home, Brad and Stacy choose that moment to walk in. The only spots left are the ones in the back, right in front of our barrels.
Great.
Brad looks up and sees me there and gives me an odd look, like he wants to smile but can't bring himself to do it. Stacy looks to see who he’s looking at and gives me a very tight-lipped resemblance of a smile. I wave at both of them, suddenly hot and uncomfortable despite the cool temperature in the room. Brad spreads out their blanket and tosses some large throw pillows on it. Stacy settles in and begins to unpack their picnic basket.
