Page 71 of Love Undecided
I go inside the house, rinse my tea cup in the kitchen sink, text Brad to see if he can go to lunch tomorrow and collapse on my bed. If you had doubts about what an asshole I am, I know that A-Shift works tomorrow and Brad will not be available for lunch.
So now I can tell myself that I’ve tried to set him straight, but just haven’t been able to yet. My phone beeps back almost immediately.
Brad: Where? I have the day off.
That surprises me. Before I can stop myself I text,
Me: You have the day off?
That was stupid. Now he’s going to know that I remember his schedule. And then he’s going to wonder why I asked if I thought he was working.
So much for my ploy of asking him when he’s not available because I’m just so busy I can’t be bothered to remember his schedule. This is why you should never play games with a guy, it always backfires.
We make plans to meet, and I turn off my phone and head to my bed for a quick nap before movie night.
Except that I can’t fall asleep.
Even though I’m exhausted.
All I want to do is sleep. Well, bury myself as far under the covers as my bed will allow, and sleep. All that usually helps when I’m at this point is tequila or my vibrator, or both. I’m too tired to get out of bed, and it’s the middle of the day and I’m a new responsible Kat who follows her therapist’s recommendations.
So, vibrator it is.
Against my better judgment, I start thinking about when Brad proposed.
* * *
He was still inside me when he said he wanted to ask me a question, I looked at him, waiting, and he said. “Go shopping with me today?"
"Sure!" I replied. I loved shopping, it didn't even matter what we were going to buy.
"Go shopping with me for an engagement ring so I can propose to my girl tonight. After I make her favorite meal, pairing it with one of Lexie’s bad ass wines. Topping it off with her favorite dessert and rounding out the evening with candles for ambiance and soft lighting and the musical melodies of Tom Waits."
I laughed at first because he hated Tom Waits and I loved him, and our music selections at the house were always a struggle as a result. Then I realized what he had actually said and I lost my breath for just a moment.
It's hard sometimes to accept something that is wholly and completely positive and pure in your life when you're so used to shit and negativity. Shit and negativity in mine being unfaithful past boyfriends, years of defending contemptible criminal clients, and the big C: cancer.
Before I realized what was happening, I said yes. A great big, breathy yes with tears in my eyes and a sob in my throat. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve Brad Matthew's love and devotion, but I was thankful every day for it. I hugged him and kissed him all over his face and felt him get hard inside me again. He heard me moan and that's all it took.
"God, I love you," he groaned into my mouth. And then he kissed me.
I loved Brad's kisses, they were like a sneak attack, coming up behind you all stealth like, and then… BAM!... all consuming and totally amazing. They never failed to please. At first soft and sweet, like little feathery whispers against my lips. Then he would urge my mouth open, moving his tongue against mine the same way he moved his cock inside me. Long, sure strokes that hit every pleasure sensor.
With his cock, he ended each thrust with a small grind to tickle my clit. With his tongue he just continued to make me breathless and dizzy. It's like his every action was for my pleasure only and never his own. I always got off at least once before he entered me, and then at least once more while he was inside me. Never had I come less than twice while having sex with Brad.
He moved his mouth to my neck, the spot just behind my ear. I moaned again. That was my spot and he knew it. He shifted his weight to one side, and supported most of it with his forearm, his other hand moved to my breast and he caressed the sides and underneath. His mouth still worked at my neck, lightly licking, softly biting, I arched into him, trying to get more. More of him moving slowly in and out of me.
"Kat," he breathed into me. “God, you feel good." He pinched my nipple and pulled on it hard. I felt it immediately between my legs. All warmth and tingles. Everything intensified when he moved his other hand down to my clit and used his fingers to push it in circles. That sent me over the edge. My body tensed as I started to come.
"Brad... oh God!" I said. I moaned loudly and grabbed his ass; pulling him tighter against me and trying to get as much of him as I could. His mouth moved to my nipple and he sucked in tightly, biting as he did. I felt it building up inside me again, the tension, the exquisite pleasure.
"Fuck, baby." I moaned. My body felt liquid and tense at the same time, both satiated and needy. My hips grinding up into his as I spread my legs wider and pushed my hips higher, grabbing at him and pulling him in as tight as I could as I came down. He put his full weight on me and pushed my breasts together, pulling both nipples into his mouth at once.
"Oh shit!" I loved the feeling of his weight on me, loved the feeling of being covered, almost smothered, it heightened all sensation for me. His strokes got shorter and he started moving faster, I knew he was close.
"Oh god, Kat, baby, fuck, so tight, so sweet, so good." He moaned. I always loved it when he was close. Loved that there was finally a payoff for him after he had done so much for me. I was close to the edge again. My head flung back, my back arched and my legs tight around his waist, my entire body shuddering. He buried his head in my neck and thrust all the way in groaning my name, pushing harder, grinding down, balls deep, just the way I like it. The deeper the better. I felt him release inside me as I cried out and came a third time. A totally explosive and spine-tingling release.
* * *
That was easily the best sex we'd ever had. And, for the first time, we had come together. How very poetic for engagement sex, right?
