Page 8 of Doubling Down on a Duke
“Why wouldn’t I honor the betrothal contract?”
“Because you don’t love me.”
Her answer was like a stake to the heart. “If I follow your logic then, the fact that you have avoided me for the past five years means that you do not love me either.”
“Don’t try to twist the matter about.”
Avoiding the topic rather than arguing her point meant he wasn’t entirely wrong. Since his confidence was already torn to shreds, he blurted the question he’d been wanting to ask.
“Do you love me?”
Heart racing.Palms sweating. Helen looked directly into Bryce’s intelligent blue-green eyes. This. This is the reason why she had avoided him for years. The man hated the unknown and always opted for the truth even when it could result in disappointment or pain.
She inhaled slowly. “Before I answer, define love.”
Brows slashed downward, Bryce replied, “Since you seem rather adamant that I don’t love you, perhaps it would be best if you shared with me what your definition of love is, so that we are clear on the matter.”
Hmmm. The four-letter word represented a myriad of emotions for Helen that all stemmed from her fond memories of her parents, who’d had her later in life. Her mama had left this earth before her tenth birthday, leaving Helen with faint memories of warm hugs and kisses on the forehead, both of which she equated to the deep affection that others call love. Her papa had showered her with unconditional support up until his demise the year she turned sixteen. Since then, she’d been shuffled between her three older siblings, who were all twelve-plus years her senior and all had loving families of their own.
Helen closed her eyes for a moment. How was she to put the intangible connections she had witnessed and experienced into words for Bryce to understand? He didn’t come from a loving family. He didn’t have siblings.
When she opened her eyes once more, Bryce was still staring at her intently. The fluttering in her heart she always experienced when he looked at her had her jaw slackening and her mind desperately searching for the right words to express the connection she could no longer ignore. He wanted them to be honest with one another. To be fair, she did too.
She exhaled and said, “Love is…it’s when you have a strong bond for another that is woven out of affection, devotion, benevolence, and desire. Desire to be close to them. You worry about them when they are not within sight.” As the words slipped from her lips, she realized she couldn’t hide from the truth any longer. She was in love…in love wholeheartedly with Bryce.
With a sadness she didn’t recognize, her normally astute husband said, “Then…by your own definition, you are not in love with me.”
She could remain silent and let him believe he was right, except that wouldn’t be fair. With a small shake of the head Helen admitted, “That’s not true. I may have hidden from you, but the desire to be with you still existed along with the hope that you would eventually…one day find me.” In order to prevent the tear that threatened to escape from trickling down her cheek, she blinked and lowered her gaze. Upon a sigh she added, “And since you never found me, coupled with your reputation as a rake, it’s only logical for me to assume that you are not in love with me.”
Bryce fell to his knees and bowed his head. “I apologize for my past actions.” He lifted his watery eyes up to look up at her. “I’ll change. I want to be the man you turn to, not run away from.I want to be a father like yours, not mine. And I promise you, if you run and hide again…I shall never stop looking for you.”
Her heart that was already beating fast, faltered and paused for a moment. She didn’t want him to change. She loved him for who he was—honest and flawed.
Confused by his response, she placed her hands on the tops of his arms and gently urged him to straighten so they were more on even footing. “Let’s not make any more promises to one another for today and agree to focus on the mission we’ve been tasked to accomplish.”
Shoulders slumped forward, he rolled to his feet, opened the coach door, and stepped down. He held out his hand to assist her down, and wordlessly they walked into the inn. For the first time ever, Helen welcomed the silence that had descended upon them. It wasn’t the first time she’d held his hand or allowed him to escort her, but as she peeked up at her husband, a new array of emotions she’d never experienced before arose and left her both confused and excited for the future.
CHAPTER NINE
His wife had made it perfectly clear she didn’t love him, and he only had the duration of the mission to make her fall in love with him. Could he accomplish what he had failed to do over the past two decades in a matter of a few weeks? The longer he could extend their journey, the more time he’d have to convince her to risk spending the rest of her life with him and remain married. Set upon staying the night, he approached the woman behind the inn counter and donned his most winsome smile. “A good eve to you, madam. Might you have rooms available for my lady and me for the evening?”
“Aye.” A woman who had to be at least ten or eleven years his senior, stroked her hair back away from her bright-red cheeks and slid her gaze to his right toward Helen for a moment. When she returned her attention to him, she gave him a wink accompanied by a knowing smile that bespoke mischief. “I’ve got a chamber available…actually, my lord, yer in luck. I’ve got two available tonight since the traveling party who reserved the rooms are delayed up north.”
Next to him, Helen stiffened.
She said, “Wellthat isfortunate for us, isn’t it, Your Grace. However, we are headed north. Do you know if it was terrible weather that has delayed them?”
Upon hearing his ducal title, the innkeeper broadened her smile and stared up at him. “Not the weather this time. The messenger they sent mentioned something about one of the chits having fallen ill or whatnot.”
Happy to be the center of the innkeeper’s focus while Helen pried for information, Bryce remained quiet. Helen was doing an excellent job of acting concerned while simultaneously not raising suspicion.
“Oh, how terrible…terrible indeed.” Helen squeezed his arm.
He smiled down at his wife who was frowning up at him. He must have missed a signal from the woman since she was clearly expecting him to do something, but what he did not know.
Helen smiled at the older woman and said, “We shall take the unoccupied chambers for the night. Did you say there were two or three?”
“I’ve only got two left, since a gent…” The innkeeper looked down at the register and then said, “Ah yes, Baron Kilman. Nice fellow. He arrived in town earlier. I remember now, he had a bite in the tavern then came back and ordered a bath…Egad! The man arrived sans valet…I was…” The woman turned, grabbed two sets of keys from the wall and then whirled about to thrust them into Bryce’s hand. “Sign yer names on the register. The rooms are on the top floor.” The innkeeper left her post and ran up the stairs to the second floor before disappearing.
