Page 23 of Dark Desire
Her smile faded at my sarcastic tone. I didn’t mean for it to sound rude. Sometimes, I was too harsh with my words and didn’t even realise it until I saw the reaction they provoked. Not being able to socialise for centuries meant I lacked obvious social skills. Lifting the spoon, I took a mouthful and moaned in approval. “It’s great.”
Pulling out a chair, I sat down to demolish the food but noticed her still hovering by the table, staring at me and biting her bottom lip. I put down the spoon, leaned back in the chair, and waited for her to say whatever was on the tip of her tongue.
“Okay. Luka told me not to say anything and I know I shouldn’t pry. But it's killing me. I have to know.”
“Go on,” I answered calmly, but my gut was twisting because I already knew what her next words would be.
“Is she your soulmate? The witch?”
I exhaled and shifted my gaze to the window, watching the setting sun over the treetops. She waited patiently for my answer, and after a few seconds, I turned back to face her. “Do you really want to know? You may not like what I have to say.”
She pressed her lips together and considered it. “I think I already know. I can see it in your eyes, Zoran. Something in you has shifted. It’s subtle, but it’s there. You’re still angry, furious even, and rightly so, but there’s something else.”
“And what’s that?” I asked coldly, staring into her pink eyes.
“Grief.”
I narrowed my eyes, a little perplexed by her answer. “Grief?”
“Yes. Like you’ve lost something. Something that meant a lot to you.”
I moved my gaze back to the window to avoid her seeing any emotion on my face. Clearly, she was good at reading people. “I’ve lost a lot in my life, Ilaria. What’s one more?”
Ilaria remained silent, and the heaviness of the atmosphere pressed against my chest, intensifying that constant ache.
“What do you expect me to do? She was there that night. She was with the slayers who burned down my home and beheaded our father. The slayers that had tormented and hunted my kind for years. She may have saved my life at the very last moment because she couldn’t live with the guilt of mercilessly murdering her soulmate, but she cursed me and abandoned me. Left metrapped because that way, she was free from me. My soulmate didn’t want me, Ilaria. She saw Ambroz, realised who she was bound to, and ran. She’s been running ever since. What would you do if you were in my position?”
She exhaled a heavy breath, and then the sound of metal clinking against the surface of the table. I glanced down to find a small silver dagger with her initials carved into the handle. Looking up at her face, I saw both sorrow and conviction on her delicate features.
“I’d kill her.”
I closed my eyes and bowed my head, feeling overwhelmed by the emotions that flooded through me. Relief and gratitude that she wasn’t judging me and agreed with my actions, but also so much fucking pain and sadness to hear the reality of those words spoken by someone else.
“If she truly did all of that, I’d kill her, too. But Zoran, can you live with her blood on your hands?”
I ran my scarred hand across my jaw, deep in thought. I wasn’t sure who I’d be after this. I wasn’t even sure who I was at this moment, so how could I know what I was capable of?
“I’ve survived worse,” I offered as my answer. I could feel Ilaria’s steady gaze on me, scrutinising my face, her concern flowing off her in waves. We both knew that wasn’t true. There was nothing worse than surviving the death of your soulmate, knowing you’d be alone for the rest of eternity. And eternity was a fucking long time for a demon.
She didn’t reach out to touch me, even though I could sense her urge. She knew I disliked being touched, and she wasn’t very fond of it either, unless it was Luka or her family. My mind raced back to the sensation of Darcelle’s hands as they roamed under my hoodie and dug into my torso. A touch that had completely caught me off guard because I didn’t want to rip out her throat for it like I did everyone else.
Ilaria pointed down to the blade she had placed on the table. “That’s my baby. My lucky charm. Whenever I’ve had it with me, I’ve found the strength to do things that weren’t easy. I think you might need it more than I do right now.”
I picked it up, twirling the knife between my fingers and enjoying its weight. Ilaria offered me a small smile and headed for the door.
“Keep it to yourself,” I blurted out before she left. She paused and glanced back at me. “That she’s my soulmate. He won’t understand. He’ll judge what I am going to do and try to stop me.”
We held each other’s gaze, and she shook her head. “Okay. But you should tell him. He won’t judge you at all. But he will try to talk you out of it because he doesn’t want to lose you, Zoran. Not again. After everything you have been through, after the hell your family suffered, if killing this witch will help you to find peace and move on, we will all support you, no matter what. But if it causes you to lose yourself, then you need to ask yourself, is her death really worth it?”
She slipped out the door, closing it softly behind her. I leaned my head back against the chair and closed my eyes. It felt impossible. How could I live in a world where I allowed her to breathe the same air as me but fought the mate bond for the rest of my life? I couldn’t. It would be the worst, cruellest torture I could inflict on myself. Every day, I would need to fight to keep myself away from her. The hunger, the desire, the eternal pain would be endless. Her death would set me free from that living hell. But would I ever truly be free of her?
Even in death, she’d ruin my fucking life.
Chapter Ten
“Z-dog! Wakey, wakey.”
I opened my eyes to find the ridiculously good-looking face of my warlock friend, who had zero boundaries hovering above me upside down. His wide smile and floppy hair were far too close for comfort, and I raised my hand, palming his face to push him away.
