Page 68 of A Secret Heart
His brother was right. He’d only be failing if he didn’t try.
Whether Rebekah wanted to listen or not, he had to find a way.
* * *
Rebekah ambled down the boardwalk with Merritt, heading back to the boardinghouse on the way back from the bank. It’d been nearly a week since Rebekah had seen Ed. Danna still hadn’t found the bandit, and Rebekah’s anxiousness about that fact had grown the longer he remained a free man.
“I’m sorry you weren’t able to get the loan.” Merritt looped her arm in Rebekah’s as her shoulders drooped.
Rebekah swallowed the bitter disappointment. “Some men can be so old-fashioned,” she muttered. With Mr. Sullivan having fled town, she’d hoped to secure a loan for a new printing press and the rent for the newspaper office. As a single woman with no collateral, she had been refused, the banker shooting down any hope she’d had this morning.
Yesterday, she’d wired her aunt and uncle about losing her job. Now she couldn’t seem to keep her thoughts in order. She realized her friend was speaking of one of her former students only when Merritt stopped talking.
Rebekah smiled wryly. “I’m sorry for my distraction. I’m worried about Uncle Vess’s ranch.”
“Are things really so dire?” Merritt asked.
Rebekah suspected they were, though she’d wait for a return wire before she knew for certain.
“Will you really have to leave us?” The genuine compassion in Merritt’s question tugged at Rebekah’s heart.
“I don’t see how I can stay.” A heaviness settled in her chest.
They passed by the bakery, where Rebekah could see Mrs. Wilson bustling about inside. Had Ed pursued the estimate? In her distraction and the upset emotions of the past days, no one had told her and she hadn’t asked.
She missed him.
Merritt nudged her arm. “I’m worried about you. You aren’t acting like yourself.”
“Sorry,” she said again.
Her anguish tightened inside her as they neared the newspaper office. The brown paper covering the broken window made her want to cry all over again, as did the Closed sign hanging on the door.
Merritt stood silent beside her.
Whoever had destroyed her beloved paper was still out there.
All of a sudden, she couldn’t hold back the torrent of words inside her.
“I’ve tried too hard to keep things perfect—just the way they should be—ever since that ad arrived. And I’ve only managed to make everything worse.”
Merritt let her stew in her thoughts for a long moment—or maybe she was thinking of what to say.
She began slowly. “I’ve been where you are. I tried to hold on so tightly to my idea of right…but God had a better plan for me. He brought me Jack. I had to let go of my idea of how things should be.”
“I don’t know if I can do that,” Rebekah admitted.
“Have you tried? Given over your will and asked for what God wants for you?”
She hadn’t. From the beginning, she’d only gone after whatshethought was best. She hadn’t even seen Ed, hadn’t considered him a friend or a suitor until they’d been forced together by circumstances she certainly wouldn’t have chosen.
“If I let go of how I had my life planned, I’m afraid. Afraid of whether I’ll like how things go,” Rebekah confessed.
Merritt was sympathetic. She’d been Rebekah’s friend for a long time. She knew why Rebekah had come west, all of it. “What if God has other blessings in store for you?”
What if…
Rebekah had never considered it before. New tears filled her eyes as she stared at the brown paper blocking the windows. Surely God wouldn’t ask her to leave the newspaper. Leave Uncle Vess and Aunt Opal.
