Page 34 of A Secret Heart
Her chest heaved under the weight of what she had to write.
I can keep the secret from you no longer. I am writing this letter to tell you an awful truth in hopes that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.
With each stroke of the pen, Mr. Sullivan’s words echoed through her mind. She had to deliver the letters to Isaac. She couldn’t imagine how he’d respond. She hadn’t spoken to him in…months. What if she couldn’t find a way to make things right?
Her mind whirled. If she revealed her deception to Isaac, Ed would find out too.
She could imagine the disdain in his eyes. Easily. Would their friendship end when he found out she had been writing to his brother and scheming to marry him?
Their friendship would have to change if she and Isaac took the next step in their relationship. That was only natural.
So why did her stomach knot when she imagined Ed finding out?
…I am ashamed to tell you that I held back the other letters that came in response to your matrimonial ad. My reasons were selfish, as you can surely guess…
…my feelings for you have grown…
…I have attached the other correspondence…
…My job at the paper once felt secure, but with all that has happened lately, it no longer does…
…With so much uncertainty in my life, your letters have been my only constant. I would like to define our relationship. I need to know if…
Did she dare to write the word?
In her mind’s eye, she saw Ed’s sparkling eyes and quicksilver smile.
And then Isaac, standing at the back of the church like the last time she’d seen him. Brooding and enigmatic.
She couldn’t imagine Isaac saying aloud the words he’d written in his letters.
But Isaac was the man she’d always dreamed of as her husband. Determined, she put her pen to paper again.
…you truly feel as I do. That we have developed a connection worth taking a chance on. If you do, I see no reason to put off our engagement any longer. With great anticipation, I await your reply.
Rebekah signed the letter. Her breath caught as she fought the pounding inside her chest. She’d done it. She folded the paper, then rose and returned to the bed. Cupping her hand over the candle, she blew out the light with a shaky breath. She slipped off her blouse and skirt, then settled on the cot in her cotton underpinnings. The bundle of letters glared at her, even in the dusky light of the musty room. She slid the new letter under the twine holding the bundle together. Isaac’s letter to her lay open, staring back at her. Sitting cross-legged on the little cot, she reached out to fold it up.
Her job, her future, and her love for her aunt and uncle and their farm all rested in her getting that bundle of letters to Isaac. All the feelings she’d ever had for Isaac McGraw laced her letter of explanation to him, now attached to the top. Marrying him seemed like the answer to all her troubles. So why did it feel like a betrayal of her friendship with Ed? She swiped at an interfering tear. In a quick motion, she scooped all the letters up and shoved them in her satchel.
Pulling her knees close to her chest, she stared out at the night sky. Was it possible God would listen to her prayer for help after she’d jumped into this mess with both feet, directing things the way she wanted them to go? Aunt Opal always said God was there with the answers when we needed them.We just have to trust, ask, and let go.
Rebekah flopped back against the pillow. She’d never been too good at letting go. But if she’d ever needed an answer, it was now. With her eyes closed, she tried to imagine her future. But as hard as she tried, it wasn’t Isaac’s eyes staring back at her.
It was Ed’s.
Chapter10
Deliver those letters or you’re fired.
Rebekah hadn’t been able to sleep and had left town before dawn. She’d convinced the doctor to let her ride with him in his wagon after overhearing the day before that he’d be going to check on Mr. Billings. He’d dropped her at the Boutwell place, where she’d waited until he was out of sight before saddling Mabel.
Mr. Sullivan’s words rang in her ears as she rode Mabel up the lane leading to the McGraw place. The leather reins stuck to her clammy hands. The bundle of letters was tucked away in the saddlebag, along with the letter of apology she’d written to Isaac for having withheld them. Her stomach flipped in all directions at the thought of turning them over.
“Giddyup.” She urged Mabel forward.
She took in the yard of the McGraw homestead as her thoughts ran rampant. This could become her home. Her stomach twisted.
The children were running off in the direction of the creek, not even taking notice of her approach. Two figures on horseback rode in from the field, but they were too distant to make out much about them. She strained to make them out. Not Isaac. She’d know his posture anywhere.
