Page 67 of A Secret Heart
Isaac let out a snort as he went back to the stall to shove his pitchfork into the straw again, slower this time. “I’m no hero.”
There was a darkness in his voice.
Isaac paused. “If you’re feeling unappreciated?—”
Ed’s turn to snort. “Try invisible.”
All those missed meals. Rebekah had been the only one who’d noticed. He pitched the next load too hard, and it overshot the wheelbarrow. Great.
“You’re not invisible to God.” Isaac didn’t stop his work. “You know what Ma always quoted from the Bible about being knitted together in our mother’s womb? How God sees us and thinks of us?”
“I know Psalm 139.” His mother’s sweet voice as she’d quoted the verses ran through Ed’s memories. Did he really know the truth of those verses in his heart?
It said he’d been wonderfully made. He was who he was supposed to be. Not his brother. The man God had made. The man God saw. How could he be invisible?
Isaac considered him. “When everyone was sick, you saved the day.”
Ed waved that off. Anyone would’ve done it.
“You kept the herd together through that terrible snowstorm two years ago. This ranch would fall apart without you. Drew knows it. We all know it.” He paused. “But maybe we don’t say it enough.”
Ed let Isaac’s words sink in deep, like a salve to his insides. His family saw him too. His throat burned. “I want to do carpentry.”
After having said it to Drew, it was somehow easier to say again.
“So do it.”
“Pa always talked about the family legacy.” Ed sighed deeply. When Isaac had left to join the U.S. Marshals and Nick had gone to normal school to train to be a teacher, Drew and the kids had desperately needed help. Things might be different now, but Ed wouldn’t forget that. “Drew has worked so hard to keep this ranch together. How am I supposed to just walk away when I’m needed here?”
Isaac scuffed his boot along the dirt floor. “If you run yourself ragged, burn yourself out, how does that help the ranch?”
Ed shook his head. He didn’t know.
They stood staring at the back of the barn, shovels stilled.
“What happened with Rebekah?”
I suppose you were laughing when you read my…proposal to Isaac.
“I messed up,” he confessed, though the words threatened to choke him. “Besides, you’re the one she really wanted. Did you even read her letters?”
Isaac shook his head. If Ed wasn’t mistaken, a hint of red was creeping up his brother’s jaw. “Can’t you fix things? She loves you.”
“What?” Ed blinked, jerking back his head in disbelief.
“Oh, let’s see now.” Isaac held up his hand, lifting one finger to count on. “Rebekah is all smiles when you come into the room.” He ticked off another finger. “She makes sure she sits real close to you.” Another. “The last biscuit is saved for you by who? And what about that late-night walk? We all saw the stars in her eyes when you came back to the house.”
With each tick of his brother’s fingers listing those moments with Rebekah, a bit more hope swelled up in him. Only to crash around him.
“I lied to her. About the letters.” He crammed a hand in his pocket, suddenly feeling the cooling of the evening air.
“So keep apologizing until she forgives you.”
He lifted his eyebrows. “And if she won’t speak to me?”
“You wrote all those letters. You’ll figure out what to say.” Isaac held Ed’s gaze for a few beats. For the first time in a very long time, Ed felt like he had his brother back.
And then Isaac bent his head back to his work.
