Page 44 of A Rugged Beauty
Hollis's own wedding day.
But it wasn't Abigail who turned to face him in that pretty dress. It was Dinah, her warm brown skin and dark brown eyes serious as she took his hand in front of the preacher.
His heart twisted strongly inside him and he gasped for breath, the memories pressing against the inside of his skull.
Dinah making dinner in their tiny kitchen. Bringing him a lunch pail at the livery. Growing big with their child.
Dinah's screams.
Hollis's helplessness as the doctor tried to save her and the baby.
Tried and failed.
Grief overwhelmed him, the memories new again, as if they were happening right now, not five years ago. He'd loved Dinah with all his heart, loved their unborn baby.
And God had taken both of them in one fell swoop.
Hollis groaned. It came from the depths of his soul, but it didn't lessen the pain, only heightened it.
A twig snapped beneath someone's boot and he pushed himself to stand on shaky legs. Forced himself to turn, though his stomach pitched.
August picked his way through the brush with a lantern in his hand. And he wasn't alone. Abigail was just behind him.
Hollis rubbed one hand down his face. "Go away." His voice was rough with tears and pain, and it shamed him that they heard.
Abigail stopped short, but August took two more steps.
Abigail's face was a pale smudge in the flickering lantern light, but Hollis could see her eyes, wide and hurt and full of compassion.
"You knew," he accused her, the words bubbling out of his mouth before they’d fully formed in his mind.
"Only since this morning," she whispered.
"How could you let me pretend?"Let me kiss you?He knew it wasn't her fault, somewhere in the back of his brain, but in this moment logic had no place.
He saw the tremble before she hid her hands in the folds of her skirt.
A visceral memory hit him, a recent one. Holding onto her in the dark. Because she felt precious to him. Some part of him ached to hold her now. He hated himself for it.
"Hollis," August started.
He pointed a shaking finger at her. "You aren't my wife.” His voice shook. "My wife and our baby are dead.”
She looked stricken. Her lip trembled. "Oh, Hollis."
He didn't know where his self control had gone. Surely he hadn't meant to tell her about Dinah. His family back home knew, but no one in the caravan.
"Hollis, let us help you through this."
He batted away August's hand when the man came near enough to touch him.
He couldn't stop staring at Abigail. She'd seen him weak. Vulnerable. Heard his darkest secrets.
"We did what we had to in order to survive," he told her. "But you tell no one what happened out there. No one."
She turned her face, giving him her profile. In the dim lantern light, he saw the glint of tears in her eyes.
"Let's go back to the company," August said. "Get some rest. We'll regroup in the morning."
