Page 456 of Conveniently Wed
He lowered his head to the floor. “I won’t deny the truth any longer. I’m so sorry. Your mother’s insecurity started way back when she was living in her sister’s shadow. Her parents favored Emmaline, and your mother was always in the background. What I did to your ma compounded the problem. And you, my girl, have suffered many times growing up because of our sins.”A network of worry lines etched the corners of his eyes. “I pray over time, you’ll be able to forgive.”
Forgive. She couldn’t begin to wrap her mind around all the injustices. The thoughts brewed into a storm. “It still hasn’t changed. Ma invites Amelia with her to Richmond but refuses my company, a prime example of how nothing has changed.”
Pa’s head snapped up. “You’ve got that wrong. Your mother needed to face her past alone before she could find the courage to be honest with you. Can you understand? It wasn’t that she didn’t want you there. She was just afraid of all the secrets, the lies, that hadn’t been revealed. She hasn’t visited her parents since you were born and wanted them to understand you’reherdaughter. She needed to be sure they would respect this. Also, she wanted to learn the whereabouts of Emmaline.”
“Where is this so-called mother of mine?” The thought of the woman who’d given her away stirred a rush of anger in her chest.
“She disappeared to Europe with another lover before the war. No one has seen or heard from her since.”
Good. One less complication. There were far too many as it was. The last thing she needed was a long-lost mother expecting something from her as well.
The memory of Josiah’s refusal to let her travel slipped in. “Was Josiah in on this? Was that why he refused to let me go?”
Pa nodded. “I told him the truth and begged for some time for your ma to sort things out with her parents. He wasn’t happy about the secrets we’ve kept.” Pa’s voice broke, and his weathered face crinkled as he moved close enough to brush his hand down her cheek. “I don’t know if you can forgive me, Katie girl, but I’m sorry. So very sorry.”
She let Pa wrap his arms around her. Let herself sink into his warmth. And with her defenses down, she couldn’t hold back the tears that surged.
“Why tell me now?” Her body shook as sobs racked through. “You know things aren’t good between Josiah and me. You know I’m struggling. Why now? It’s all too much to take.”
He guided her back to the edge of the bed, and they sat together with his arm around her.
“Since the time your Aunt May and Uncle John became Christians and I witnessed the change in them, I’ve been reading the Bible and talking to God. I gave my life to Him a number of months back and, though I know I’ve been forgiven for all my sins, that doesn’t remove the consequences of what I’ve done.”
She sniffed back the moisture still leaking onto her face. “You became a Christian?”
His eyes grew warm again. “And I have such peace for the first time in my life. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve told your ma, but she waves it off as if it’s a phase I’m going through. It’s real. I’m trying to figure out how to live by reading the Bible. I wish my sister lived closer so I could ask the hundred questions I have rolling around.”
“I’ve tried praying sometimes, but…” She shrugged. God never seemed to answer.
“Life is a journey toward faith, not a lightning bolt hitting us from above.” He leaned in and squeezed her shoulders. “And change for the better doesn’t happen instantly, it takes time. But I tell you, when I walked into the tack shop and witnessed the closeness between Colby and you, I knew I had to come clean about my own sin. That remark about the apple not falling far from the tree?—”
“I wondered what that meant, but never had the courage to ask.”
“That was about my own indiscretions and what sin has brought into my marriage and into my life. I don’t want that for you. I’ve caused your ma and you so much pain. I don’t want my sins to be passed down to any of my children.” His earnest eyespleaded with her. “Please don’t follow in my foolish footsteps. It’ll lead to pain and years of hardship. I’m begging you to turn your heart from Colby to Josiah.”
A new pain pressed in. “Oh, Pa. Colby is a temptation, but only because Josiah left me a long time ago.”
“Left you?” Pa’s eyes narrowed, and he regarded her a long moment. “I don’t know what happened between you two. I figured, when your relationship started fizzling, it was because of Colby.”
A shuddered breath slipped from her lips. “No. This can’t be pinned on Colby. How about we start with an arranged marriage I wasn’t prepared for, memories of Charles, expectations I couldn’t meet, insecurities, Josiah listening to half conversations and abandoning me. Only then can you add Colby. It’s so complicated.”
Pa raised his brows in a pointed look, but the kindness still wreathed his gaze. “You’re a married woman, Katie. You and Josiah belong together. There’s hope if you allow your heart to soften instead of harden.”
“Harden? It’s not me who’s hard.” She let out a long breath. “There’s no hope, it takes two to make a marriage.”
“Josiah loves you. I know he does.”
Her feelings were too raw, too exposed. And the fury, the hurt she’d been tamping down for weeks, erupted. She jumped up, and her father leaned back, eyes wide. “How come everyone is so sure of Josiah’s love for me? He sure has a funny way of showing it. Did he tell you about the papers he’s having drafted up to end our marriage?”
The shock on Pa’s face said it all.
“End your marriage? But that can’t be.” His brows bunched together. “You and Colby haven’t?—”
“We haven’t done anything. What you saw was the closest we ever got to even kissing, and then only because, when I wasupset, myhusbandsent him out to comfort me. Colby has been more of a husband to me this past year than Josiah.”
Pa shook his head. “I don’t understand.”
“Josiah and I were growing close. I shared his bed, his dreams, his life the best I knew how.”
