Page 203 of Conveniently Wed
After slipping out of his boots and cleaning up a bit, he should have gone to bed. But he went to stand at the window. The streets were dark on this side of town, which was a good thing considering what bright lights meant at this time of night. The view only brought back memories of the fear he’d felt watching Jenson toss Leah into the wagon outside the old mine. He turned from the window and began to pace.
He’d fallen hard for her, there was no denying that now. When he’d been married to Jane, his love had been sturdy and wholesome. He had provided for her and protected her—at least until the end, when he’d failed miserably at the protecting part. The vision of her swollen and blackened arm flashed through his mind again, pressing on his chest the way it usually did. He pushed it aside—hard.
Why had he married Jane? He surely had a good reason, at the time. It must have been for Miriam. Yes, that’s right. To be a companion for Miriam, and help her with the cabin and ranch. Jane had done a decent job at that. She’d been generally helpful, if a bit timid, but the two girls had never gotten really close. Not like Leah and Miriam.
In truth, everything was different about Leah. She consumed him. She was part of every thought, drove most of his actions, made him want to do better,bebetter. It scared him how important she had become.
And now he’d almost lost her. Just like almost everyone else important in his life.
A sob began somewhere deep inside and burned through his chest until it escaped. He dropped to his knees on the wood floor, laying his head in his hands. The desperate helplessness he’d felt in the woods cloaked him like a heavy fog. It ate up the air around him, replacing it with images.
Abel’s bloody body. Jane’s disfigured arm. His mother, frail and delirious from the fever. His father’s corpse, frozen stiff in the snow and already missing fingers.
The sobs wracked him, and he was helpless against them. The memories, the images, the pain—it all played out before him now. Like a nightmare he couldn’t escape.
God, please!It was the same cry he’d sent up in the woods.I need Your help here.His soul pleading.Please take this burden. I can’t carry it any more.
He knelt there, his soul splayed before the God he so desperately needed. The peace came slow and silently. Even before he knew it was there. But his spirit sensed the change.
“God?” The word echoed in the room, and the response drifted over him like a comforting blanket. A warmth touched his soul, then radiated out to his skin. He wrapped his arms around himself, cradling the peace.
“God, I want You back. Please.” The warmth expanded, and he turned his face heavenward, relishing the release of his fears.
He had no idea how long he remained in that posture, his mind finally at peace. No more visions, no nightmares. Just rest.
And then his mind came to life again.
Leah always said God had a plan for her, and she wanted to be where He put her. But she had been through so much—fleeing Richmond, boarding the steam boat in St. Louis, arriving in Fort Benton penniless, meeting Ol’ Mose so she had a safe way to travel, then Mose bringing her straight to the ranch. Had God been guiding her all along?
Was it just Leah that God was looking out for? He thought back through his own life, but saw it through a different lens this time. Life had been great while his parents were alive. Then after Mama died, he’d been old enough to take care of Abel and Miriam, helping them grow to be strong, competent adults.
When Jane came, she’d never been happy on the mountain, but shehadtaught Miriam a lot about cooking and sewing and crocheting. After Jane’s death, he’d put his strength into the cattle and ranch, nurturing the animals and growing hay for the winters. Abel had been his right hand through it all.
That was what made his death so much harder to deal with, though. Yet Leah had come along and helped distract him. It wasn’t that he didn’t miss Abel, but Leah had kept him from wallowing in guilt and sadness. And she had been the best thing for Miriam. The girl had blossomed with Leah around. She’d been what they both needed. And Leah had said God brought her there.
Ol’ Mose’s words drifted back to him.Weren’t it somethin’ the way God took care o’ that little mess?The picture came clear in his mind like a map, the way God had led him to the mine shaft, put him exactly where he needed to be to find Leah. Then brought reinforcements in the form of a cantankerous old trapper with a hundred-year-old shotgun. He’d guided them all, and most importantly, kept themsafe.
Gideon turned to the window and the glitter of the stars outside. “God, thank you for bringing Leah to us. I think I see what she means about You taking care of us. I’d be obliged if you’d keep on doing that with her, and Miriam, too. And help me be the man You want me to be. And if it’s Your will…please help her stay.”
Leah leaned into the stretch as the tension in her muscles released. She relaxed back on the bed, taking in her surroundings. The room was clean, if a bit basic, with cream-colored curtains in the windows being the only realornamentation. The sunlight filtering through the fabric brought a rush of awareness to clear the fog in her mind.
Daylight meant she’d overslept.
She lurched from the bed, the groaning of her body becoming audible as she forced herself to stand. She allowed herself a little extra time to wash before dressing. What she wouldn’t do for a warm bath.
After slipping the final pin into her hat, she opened the door to the hallway. Sitting against the opposite wall, was Gideon. His arms rested on bent knees, and the strong features on his face were clean and freshly shaven. So different from the ragged man who’d said goodnight to her.
“You feeling better?” His emerald eyes were clearer than she’d ever seen them, as if illuminated by a light from within. The skin around them creased with a hint of a smile.
“Yes, much. How are you this morning?”
“Better than I’ve been in a long time.” The creases grew deeper around his eyes, and the dark green twinkled. Actually twinkled. He rose to his feet, and motioned for her to proceed toward the staircase.
What was going on with him? She’d never seen him look so…happy. Or peaceful. The brooding demeanor that had always characterized him was gone, replaced by a calmness. It was like joy and peace covered him in layers.
“You hungry?”
She fought the urge to look back at him. To see if she could get a hint as to why he was so different. “I guess.”
