Page 114 of Conveniently Wed
He had to stop. “She always used to say that,” he remembered to Fran.
She placed her hand over his wrist and squeezed gently.
“Edgar, you have been in my heart many times over the years since I last saw you. Many prayers have been sent Heavenward on your behalf. I am so happy to know that you were adopted into a good family. Sending you west on the orphan train was the hardest thing I have ever done.
You see, I loved you as my own son. Perhaps I should not have let myself get so close to you, or negated your attachment to me in some way, but it couldn’t be helped. You were such a bright, helpful boy. Often playing pranks, but not in a malicious way. You just wanted to make the other children laugh.
Though I loved you deeply, my calling and my duty was to the orphanage. What kind of life would you have had, being shackled to a single woman whose job was taking care of so many other children who have so many needs to be filled? I hoped—oh, how I hoped—that you would find a family with both mother and father who would see your joyful spirit and take you into their home and fill you with love until you were overflowing. I am brought to tears of joy to know that that seems to be the case.
I loved you so much that, although it broke my heart, I wanted what was best for you. I hope that with the understanding of a man, you can now see that.”
He had reached the end of the first page and had to stop. The tightness in his chest made him temporarily unable to go on.Priscilla had loved him. Loved him enough to give him up, so he could have the better life she’d dreamed of for him.
Fran sniffed.
He cut his eyes to her. She dabbed at her eyes with part of one sleeve.
When she saw him looking at her, she gave a wobbly smile.
He dropped the letter on the table and swung one arm around her shoulders. Holding her close was like coming home all over again. Having her there beside him made reading the letter bearable. Not only that, but he never would’ve had the letter if it weren’t for her.
She sniffled a little, and then wiggled away. “Finish it.”
He shifted the first page away to see there was a second. Did he really need to know what had made his ma abandon him?
“I don’t need to finish it. Knowing Priscilla loved me is enough.”
She looked up at him, her eyes shining and a little exasperated. “C’mon. You’ll never be settled unless you know.”
He steeled himself and picked up the second page. Because she was right.
“As to your mother, the truth is that she was very sick when she brought you to the orphanage. Over the years, I have seen many parents have to leave their children in my care for a myriad of reasons. Often, the parents are more sorrowful than the children, who cannot really understand what is happening.
Perhaps your mother claimed she would return as her own way to comfort you. Perhaps she thought she would get better. I don’t know what prompted her to give you a promise she could not be sure of fulfilling.
I was notified several months after your arrival that she had passed away. You and I did have a conversation about it, but how much does a child of five really understand about death?
Know that your mother loved you, and did her best for you when she could no longer take care of you herself. I don’t know why she was on her own or what might’ve become of her family, but her tears on the day she left you in my care told me of her love for you.
With my retirement looming, I find that perhaps I might enjoy a trip to the Wild West. If you would welcome me, I would love to visit the boy I knew and discover the kind of man he has become.
Sincerely,
Priscilla Henderson, Director”
Edgar stared down at the page for a long time, emotion clogging his throat.
His ma had been sick. Dying.
And that’s why she’d left him.
Not because of anything he’d done.
It was both a comfort and a blow. His ma was gone. But she’d loved him.
Fran was quiet beside him. Unusual for her.
He cleared his throat. The shimmer in her eyes wasn’t unwelcome anymore.
