Page 461 of Conveniently Wed
The concern on his face was more than she could sort out just now. She shook her head and motioned to the bench beside the table. “Just let me sit.”
When she settled, he still stood over her.
She motioned him back. “All this upheaval is causing an upset stomach.” She smoothed a hand over her midsection. “It comes and goes. I’m all right now, and we need to finish this conversation.” A new rush of tears threatened to fall, but she swallowed them back. The last thing she wanted to do was add weeping in front of him right after she’d gotten sick. She looked down at the floor. “Pa told me my grandparents in Richmond had invited me there. Maybe I could go and find work enough to earn my keep and stay with them.”
“Katherine, you’ll never have to go anywhere. This is your home untilyouchoose otherwise.” His voice sounded hesitant, almost strangled.
She stood to raise herself closer to his level, but she had to grab the table to steady her shaking legs. “But you said you wanted to separate?”
“I have no need. I’ll never marry again. The divorce was what I thought you and Colby wanted. I have the papers if?—”
“No.” Her answer was swift, and surprised even her.
She gazed at the tall, gentle man in front of her, the man who had become the next thing to a stranger. A little more gray speckled the temples of his thick, russet-brown hair. A few more lines edged his steely-gray eyes, which now held that guarded look she so hated. He hadn’t smiled in a very long time.
“I never wanted you to go.” His voice gentled. “All I want is your happiness. This is your home as much as it is mine.”
She fought to make sense of his words. “One moment you’re talking annulment. The next thing, Colby is leaving—and it’s all my fault.” She rubbed her stomach as another wave of nausea hit her.
“It’s not your fault.”
The room swayed, and her vision darkened at the corners.
Josiah kept talking. “I think we can all own?—”
“I need to…” She swayed on her feet.
Before she could protest, his strong arms wrapped around her, picking her up and carrying her up the stairs to her room. His strong body next to hers filled her with an awareness she didn’t want to feel. He laid her gently on the bed. “I’m going to call Ruby to help you.” Then he slipped away.
After the click of the door behind him, her thoughts tumbled one on top of another. He didn’t want an annulment or divorce. Did he want to work things out? How far would they have to go to find their way back? Would that even be possible? How could she trust that he wouldn’t turn her away again? How could he trust her after what she allowed between Colby and herself?
The next morning, Katie rose from her bed with so much confusion that her head pounded. She was no closer to understanding what she should do, though she had ruminated most of the night.
As she crossed the room, the Bible Pa had dropped off a few weeks prior caught her eye. She paused beside the table where it lay. How could a simple leather-bound book under a thin layer of dust call her name? Her hands quivered as she picked it up and dusted off the cover. She moved back to the bed and sat down.
Hadn’t God abandoned her like all the rest? Why should she bother? She flipped open the book. Her eyes fell to,I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.The words gripped her, even as her mind spun. She dropped the book as if it were a red-hot ember, and it bounced on the bed. The pages flipped to a different place. A wash of gooseflesh traveled up each arm. She shivered. It was as if God Himself were talking to her.
She flopped on the bed and ventured another peek. Could God be speaking to her? She flipped the pages until her gaze landed on a note in Pa’s handwriting.This is a good scripture to memorize,was all it said.
He’d marked the passage with thick lines.I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord.
Katie slapped the book shut. She closed her eyes, put her arms over her head, and tried to think about something else, anything else, because the words cut into her soul in a way that scared her. They danced in her head like raindrops hitting a tin roof.I will never leave you nor forsake you. I have plans to give you hope and a future. You will find me when you seek me with all your heart.
All your heart.
She pushed up to her feet and slipped out of her room, determined to shut out the haunting message. With another bout of nausea hitting her stomach, a walk in the fresh air would be welcome. She made her way past the hen house and smoke house, then through the orchard until she was standing on her parents’ doorstep. It had been a while since she’d visited. Not since before Pa’s revelation about the woman who bore her. Shewas about to turn and leave when the door swung wide and Lucinda ran out to greet her. Trailing close behind was Gracie.
“Katie, Katie.” Gracie jumped up and down. Lucinda threw her arms around Katie, and Katie soaked in the sweet hug.
“Ma,” Lucinda shouted as she stepped back. “Katie’s come to visit.” Each girl grabbed a hand and pulled her inside and all the way to the parlor.A stab of guilt pierced her heart at the excitement on their faces. Why had she neglected them?
“You’re just in time for some fresh apple pie,” Ma said. “Come, dear. We’re so glad to see you.” The foreign endearment pricked at Katie’s heart, and she couldn’t mask her frown. Had Pa told her that he’d let Katie in on the secret?
A troubled light stole into her ma’s eyes as she beckoned Katie into the warmth of the kitchen. “Our first crop of apples, and you know your pa. He had to have a pie.”
Maybe it was best not to talk about it. At least, not now. Especially with the others around. She forced herself to focus on the apple pie her mother held up. Was September already here again? In a few weeks, she and Josiah would be married two years, if one could call it a marriage.
Hopelessness filled her heart. She needed to talk to Pa. She needed a future. She needed to know how to seek this God who could give her hope. If He really could do that. But if not, she didn’t know how she would survive the long, dark winter ahead. If all the sunshine and warmth of summer hadn’t lifted her spirits, then the cold, bleakness of winter would indeed consume her. A chill of concern swept through her thin frame, bringing a shudder she couldn’t stop.
