Page 434 of Conveniently Wed
Feeling the release of the gown and the corset, Katie turned to him, holding her dress to keep it from falling to the floor. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m tired.” He moved away from her and slipped from his clothing before sliding beneath the covers. With a muffled good-night, he turned his back to her.
Katie returned to her room and hung her gown with care. As she slipped into her challis nightgown, she couldn’t keep her mind from stewing about her husband. He had been so pleased to see her dressed up earlier, with a passionate reaction and whispers of what would happen later. Now, nothing. It did not take much to figure out what happened. She’d hurt him.
Josiah balled his fists as he lay in bed. The way Katherine had said Charles’s name that evening…had sounded like a caress. Charles had meant far more to her than mere friendship. He was the man she’d been meant to marry, not Josiah. Raw jealousy surged through his veins.
He tossed from one side to the other as he listened to her move about her room. He was no more tired than he could sprout wings and fly. He had been so excited to introduce her to Colby, but the way she’d leapt into his arms brought the ugly truth to the forefront. In all their time together, she had never displayed even half the emotion revealed in that unguarded moment.
He’d never had a problem with women falling for him, and he’d tried every kindness with Katherine, yet he was no fool. She didn’t love him. She loved a ghost. A ghost whose twin now resided under his own roof.
The click of the adjoining door told him she was joining him, as had become their nightly ritual, but he couldn’t face her. He couldn’t think of making love to her knowing she might have someone else in her head.
As she slid between the covers and worked her way over to his side of the bed, he tried to feign sleep. His breathing became ragged and unsteady when she moved her arms around him and planted a kiss on his back. This was the first time she had initiated intimacy, and, although he wanted to be strong and not need her, he struggled. Conflicted emotions warred. He wanted to kiss her into oblivion—and ignore her, making her feel as insecure as she had made him. He wanted her love, not her obligation.
“Josiah, are you sleeping?”
He didn’t answer.
Against his will, he shuddered as her hands circled around to the front, and her skin, softer than a doe’s, rubbed up against him. How could she think he was sleeping? She obviously did not. When she brushed her foot against his leg, he flipped his body to face her. “I said I was tired.”
“Too tired?”
Her coyness told him she was far more experienced than the scared little waif who had come into his bed a few months earlier.
His resolve crumbled like ancient pottery, and, when she pulled his head down to meet her lips, he responded. The thirst inside him could not be satisfied.
That night, for the first time, he squelched his words of love. The hurt burned a hole in his heart like a live coal searing through. Why hadn’t she trusted him with the story of Charles? Only one reason made sense. She wasn’t over him. And now Colby was here, stirring the embers, igniting memories he hadn’t even known she battled. It all made sense now—her inability to love him.
He lay awake long after the steady rhythm of her breathing signified her slumber. He wished he could have resisted her for his own peace of mind. If for no other reason than to put some distance between her memories of Charles and their time together. But he was so weak. She unhinged him. She frustrated him. She stole the control he had always possessed.
But holding her in his arms, he made a decision. He would never again voice the feelings that were not returned.
20
Katie hummed a tune as she scrubbed the grand banister wood to gleaming. A month had passed since Colby’s arrival and her mind still wandered to Charles more often than she could control. She reined in the thoughts and the pain of loss that always swept in uninvited. With Colby around, the reminder came more often, but she was smart enough to know that she could not entertain the past if she wanted a future.
Thankful that things had been smoothed out between Josiah and her, she would not give the memories of Charles power. She cast them aside now and thought about Josiah’s kindness and generosity instead. She was content and encouraged by their ever-deepening relationship. She was. Truly.
“There you are.” Josiah rounded the corner. “You don’t have to do such menial labor. Now that the horses are selling, we have more than enough income to hire more help.”
“Work helps me feel part of this.” She spread her arms. “Rather than a fixture.”
He planted a kiss on her cheek. “Well then, what do you think of that idea of inviting the town of Lacey Spring to a Christmas ball? It’ll keep you busy, but we can hire extra help. Annie has a list of people she knows who are looking for work.”
That familiar dread welled up. She hated to be the center of attention, and hosting a ball would certainly thrust her into that role. For Josiah’s sake, she choked back her trepidation and smiled.
“Also,” he said, “it’ll help turn the tide of some of that negativity buzzing around town and infuse some celebration into the community.”
“Negativity? Seems you hired a good cross section of white and black, and they’re working well together. Are they not?”
“They are. But not everyone agrees with my decision to hire the best man for the job, despite skin color. Last week when I was in town, Sheriff Holden took me aside once again and said the rumblings of unrest were increasing. The best antidote to wagging tongues is to give them something different to wag about. A little generosity and something their wives beg to attend will simmer down the men folk. The power of the missus is a fine and wonderful thing.” He gave her a crooked, charming smile.
“All right then.” Her voice sounded weak, so she cleared her throat to give it more force. “I think it’s a grand idea. The first Christmas after the war deserves a celebration. And I agree, if we can please the women, we’ll have most of the battle won.”
He slid his arms around her. “Does that mean all I have to do is please you and…” His lips met hers with crushing urgency.
She gave herself all into the kiss for a heartbeat, then pulled back. “Later.” She threw him a grin that was supposed to be saucy, but felt more wobbly. “Come.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him across the entrance into the ballroom. “Can we have a large tree to trim, and how about some fresh boughs above the fireplace?” She turned and cocked her head from side to side trying to imagine just how she would decorate. “I’ll bring Jeanette in on this. At thirteen, she already has an incredible eye."
