Page 415 of Conveniently Wed
She seemed to relax further. “I’ve always wondered why you sat and talked to me that day. Remember how you shared some of the funny things you did when you were younger? It was as if you were trying to make me feel better about my stupidity.”
“I was. At first, I wanted to ensure you were calm enough to ride home, then I found talking to you fascinating. You were unlike any woman I had ever met, and I believed you’d be more careful.” His gut tightened. “But I had no idea there was more than one or how far their assault went. I swear I would’ve tracked each one down and beaten them within an inch of their lives. I’m so sorry.”
She nodded, sniffing. “I believe you.” Her hair rubbed against his skin like a curtain of silk.
Just that small movement heightened his awareness. Her nearness took the wind out of his lungs but he remained still. To have her relaxed in his arms was a milestone. He didn’t want to ruin the moment with anything that would cause her angst.
“Go to sleep now. I’ll stay until you drift off.” He smoothed a hand down her back.
“Josiah?”
“Hmm.”
“You need to know one more thing.”
“What is it?” He rubbed his fingers over her hair.
“After what they did, I’ve been scared…of any man’s touch. I’m so sorry for not being a real wife?—”
“I understand. We have a whole lifetime ahead of us.”
She snuggled up against him. “You make me feel so safe.”
He kissed the top of her head, willing himself to remain strong.
Tonight had been one small victory in an ocean of turbulent waters. He wanted to kill the reprobates who’d traumatized his wife and caused the pain they now shared. He wanted to scream at her parents for not caring enough to keep a beautiful woman like her under their protective care. He wanted to poke out the eyes of every man who ogled and leered.
He was not blind to what she had to put up with. Every trip into town made him jealous enough to want to do damage. Butmostly, he longed to nurture, to cherish this woman he called his wife, to prove that not all men were ruled by one thing only. As the waves of need pounded upon the shore of his soul, he took deep breaths in and out.
To hold her so close in bed, and not to act on the natural response, took supernatural strength…and so he prayed.
God, I don’t know You in the way Abe and Delilah share so freely, but I know You’re up there. I need Your help. We need Your help.
She fell asleep, but the opportunity to hold her close would likely not come again soon. He tucked beneath the covers and cradled her body against his. Peace washed over his soul. Perhaps God was pleased with his simple prayer. He smiled into the darkness, hoping beyond all hope that healing was possible, because to withstand this kind of torture was not sustainable.
14
Katie stroked Gracie’s hair, soothing away her sister’s tears. She’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to snuggle the little ones. “There, there, you poor thing. You just need one of my special kisses to make it all better.” She dropped a soft kiss on her sister’s scraped knee.
Gracie offered a wobbly grin. “It feels aaaall gooder.” She stood to test the limb, then her smile broadened and she skipped away.
“You’ll make a good mama someday.” Ma watched from her place at the kitchen work counter.
Katie forced a smile as she moved in to help peel apples for the evening pie. She may never have a little one if she couldn’t handle her husband’s touch.
“Maybe even now, my grandbaby grows.” Ma patted Katie’s flat stomach.
Katie turned away. Guilt burned her throat and her eyes filled with tears. “I have to go. Tell everyone goodbye for me.” She dropped the knife and headed for the door at a good clip. On the porch, she collided with Aunt May and almost sent her flying. Her aunt’s protruding stomach glared up at her, and one of the tears broke loose.
“Whoa, Katie girl, what’s wrong?”
Ma came running. “What did I say?”
Katie shook her head, but couldn’t speak.
“Seems I said something wrong again,” Ma said. “No matter how hard I try?—”
She struggled to push back the emotion. “It’s not you. It’s me. I…I can’t …”
