Page 192 of Conveniently Wed
A snort broke forth from Miriam. “You mean that wasn’t worry that made you put the biscuits in the pie safe instead of the oven yesterday, so they were mounds of goo when we found them at dinner time? Or how about when you were doing washing on Monday and you scrubbed Gideon’s shirt so hard three buttons popped off and you pulled a hole in the arm seam?”
The heat coming off Leah’s cheeks could have baked the bread dough she had now smashed to a thin layer.
“So are you gonna tell me what happened?” Miriam stopped cutting meat and turned to face Leah, her right hip cocked against the work counter and her left fist propped on the other one.
Leah desperately wanted to tell her. There wasn’t much she hadn’t told Miriam over the last few months. But Gideon was her brother. Herolderbrother whom she respected and adored. It wouldn’t be right to talk about the deep roots of his fears to his baby sister.
Miriam threw her hands off her hips in frustration and turned back to the meat. “I know you love the man, although why, I’m not always sure.”
The embarrassment radiated from Leah’s ears now. “Why in the world do you say that?”
Miriam gave her a long-suffering look. “You look at him the same way Mama used to look at Pa. And they were more in love than anyone I’ve ever seen.”
Leah fought the burn of tears, and turned to the dough in her hands. “It doesn’t really matter anyway.”
A hand touched her back and rubbed gently. It was almost Leah’s undoing, but she bit her lip and blinked back the moisture.
“Don’t worry, honey. He’ll wake up and see things straight one of these days. He just needs to find a way to get through the past.”
Leah nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
The warm sun rays were heavenly on Leah’s back as she scrubbed Miriam’s brown wool skirt in the wash water. The frigid pattern of snow and cold gray skies had finally ceased, and the sun had forced its way through the clouds for three days now. The sound of cracking ice had changed into dripping water through the trees, and bare patches were even beginning to show on the ground in the sunny spots.
It was time to leave the ranch.
She knew it in her head, but her heart fought violently against the notion. She’d finally admitted to herself she loved Gideon Bryant, but it was obvious he wasn’t going to let himself love her back. And being so close to him, knowing he wouldn’t love her, was driving her mad. Even if the snow hadn’t begun melting, it was still time to leave. Staying would only be painful for them both.
Lord, please show me where You would have me go. Butte City? Helena? The Washington Territory?With each name, she waited for a feeling of peace or that gentle prodding she used to be able to recognize so well. Nothing.
She wrung out the skirt and laid it with the other damp clothes in the basket. Then she lifted the hamper, squaring her shoulders with the determination that comes from desperation.
At the dinner table that night, the bile in Leah’s stomach kept her from forcing down much of her shepherd’s pie. Halfway through the meal, she finally set her fork on the plate and stiffened her spine. It was now or never. She had to do this.
“Gideon, do you think the pass has melted enough to get through to Helena or Butte?”
His head jerked up and his hand froze, suspended midway to his mouth with gravy dripping from the chunk of bread in his grasp. For a split second, the emotion in his eyes looked almost like hurt, then it was gone. Covered by that awful impassive expression he used to wear so well.
For a long moment, he didn’t move, didn’t chew, didn’t say a word. Just studied her, his emerald eyes turning too cloudy to read.
And then he spoke. “Prob’ly so.”
Two words. Just two words that had the ability to blow up her hopes like a bullet exploding a glass bottle. But what had she expected? That he would drop to one knee and beg her not to leave?
She expelled her hurt slowly, forcing her mind to move on. “I guess I’ll be leaving then. I think I’ll start in Butte City, since it’s closest. Surely one of the stores or restaurants is hiring.” She was rambling, although she couldn’t have repeated anything she’d said if her life depended on it. She had to get control of herself.
“Would you mind if I borrow one of the horses to ride to town? I’m sure I can send her back with Ol’ Mose next timehe comes through, or else I can have a messenger bring her.” Although where she’d get the money for that, she hadn’t a clue.
“I’ll take you.” He said it with a snarl, as if she’d just called him a no-count, mule-brained, horse thief.
It was obvious he didn’t want to. Probably because he had too much work to do on the ranch, and likely wasn’t feeling up to a full-day’s ride in the wagon. She opened her mouth to object.
A muscle flexed in his jaw, revealing how tightly it was clenched. She couldn’t read a thing in his eyes, but the rest of his body language said it all. He was going to do this.
“Thank you.” She dropped her gaze to her plate. The casserole there had been just short of mutilated. She had only one more question she desperatelydidn’twant to ask. But she had to know.
She raised her eyes to Gideon’s face again, then forced her dry mouth to swallow. “When do you think we can go?”
“I’m only taking this one trunk, Miri. I want you to keep the rest of my gowns.” Leah forced an almost unnatural cheeriness into her voice, and looked up to see if her words brought a smile to her friend’s face.
