Page 9 of Catch Me
“Come on,” I said as I jumped to my feet. She immediately got excited and started wagging her tail. After picking up the ball, I headed toward the trail that would lead back to my Jeep.
Tessa ran beside me for a while, then she darted forward and circled a tree. I whistled to pull her away from the squirrel she wanted to befriend.
Smiling, I took off faster, which she took as a challenge. Without fail, she would outpace me. She answered to the name ‘turbo’ because I called her that so often. She’d also come if I said ‘monster.’ I was pretty sure I used nicknames more than her actual one.
She looked back at me, and I just knew she was calling me slow, so I pushed myself harder. When my Jeep came into view, I tried to ignore the burn in my lungs. I managed to make it without collapsing, then I stopped myself with my hands against the hood. I drew in heavy breaths and decided I had to cut back on tacos.
Fuck that. I worked out enough to keep eating tacos. In fact, I might grab some on my way home.
“Tacos, Tessa?”
She barked and spun in a circle. If she agreed, it was a good idea. Always trust a dog’s opinion.
I got into the Jeep and let her into the passenger seat. After taking my phone from the glove compartment, I groaned. There were always new texts, always things for me to do. We didn’t make this much money for nothing, I guess. One of these days, I’d take a two-week-long vacation and turn my phone off for the entirety of it.
My manager, Pete, thought the calendar idea was a good one, but he had other people he had to talk to about it. I wondered if I should update Roman. Probably not. He’d barely tolerated talking to me at the game, and I was sure he wouldn’t want me to text him until I had an answer.
If what West said was true, I didn’t really want to interact with him more than was necessary. It would be good for him if he got this commission, and he was a great artist, so I thought I’d offer. The other stuff, though, was far outside of my ability to deal with. Maybe he needed help, but not from me. I was just a baseball player, and even though I spoke out for gay men, all I had were words of encouragement.
His anger was part of the problem. I’d respond to it, and I didn’t want that. I hadn’t lost control of myself in a long time.
Tessa helped keep me grounded, and exercise was good for my mind, plus I stayed busy with work. I wasn’t introverted, but I spent a lot of my free time at home with my dog. Bars were never a good idea, and with my schedule, it was all but impossible to have super close friends.
Even though there were things I wanted, I loved my life. It had always been my dream to make it here. I wasn’t someone who daydreamed about finding love or who got sad because I was single.
People always said life was short, but they never seemed to be satisfied, which defeated the purpose of the phrase. I found ways to enjoy the things I had, and if I gained or lost something along the way, I adjusted. What was the point of pining for something, whether it was a relationship or material things? It only took away from your joy in what you did have.
Even though I struggled with my anger, once I got home from Dumont, I’d made a vow to myself that I would live authentically and find happiness wherever I ended up. Even if I hadn’t made it into the major leagues, I would’ve found something else to do.
“Come on, monster,” I said as I pulled into a spot in front of our favorite taco place. “I bet Luis has that chicken you love. Just for you.”
*****
“You pitched like a pro against the Yankees back in August,” Dad exclaimed a little too boisterously.
I chuckled as I typed on my laptop. “Well, I am a pro.”
“I just know y’all will make it all the way next year.”
“Hopefully. There are so many teams, you just never know who will come out on top each season.”
“They’ve got you. Travis McKinney can do anything he sets his mind to.”
“Are you drunk, Dad?”
“No. Can’t I sing your praises, kid?”
“You sing them a little too much.”
“No such thing. There’s a reason you blew up online, you know. You have something that makes you a leader. An inspiration.”
I tapped my fingers on the keys without typing anything. My mind went back to the other day at the game. I didn’t want to askanything of Sen, but he’d broached the idea. If he told his story, I was sure things would start to happen. Maybe he’d embolden others with similar pasts. Like he said, his experience was far worse than mine, and it might resonate with those who were afraid.
It wasn’t something I’d bug him about, but I’d bring it up casually at some point. If he didn’t want to do it, that was fair. Regardless of him coming out and living happily with his boyfriend, it had only been a year since he accepted he was gay—far less time than he’d spent trying to convince himself he wasn’t.
“Hey, Dad?”
“Hm?”
