Page 170 of Catch Me
When I got into the hall, I turned to look at him. “Trust me, it’s not you.”
“Unavailable, huh?”
“Emotionally.”
“Just my luck. I’ll hit a home run just for you anyway.”
I couldn’t help but smile. The doors closed, shutting away my first real chance at something since I’d come out. It sorta pissed me off that I didn’t feel any type of way about it. By definition, I guess I was fucking hung up on someone.
When I got into my room, I was stunned by it. The tub was even more incredible than I would’ve thought, so the first thing I did afterI dropped my suitcase off to the side was strip out of my clothes and start the water. If I wanted to, I could spend the entire rest of the day and night in this thing. I could sleep in it if I felt like it.
When it was halfway full, I stepped into it, sliding down until my shoulders rested comfortably against the back. With my knees up to keep them out of the water, I propped up my tablet and tapped my pen on a new page. The sound of the water running helped keep me focused as I sketched some lines. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing until I’d gotten a basic shape on the screen.
I wasn’t surprised, and it was pointless to be annoyed at this point. He lived in my head rent free, especially since I’d hopped on that plane from Seattle.
This time, as the piece came together, there was something about his eyes that made my stomach churn—something ominous. I’d always found it impossible to capture what I saw in them, yet somehow, I’d done just that, except it wasn’t the same thing as before. This was cold. Detached. Resentful. It was everything that didn’t belong to Travis McKinney. At the same time, it didn’t seem foreign.
As I added the various shades to his eyes, layering them in places, I wondered if this was something I’d missed every other time I tried to capture his likeness. The thing that dwelled beneath, hidden by the levels on the surface. Maybe I couldn’t truly encapsulate him as a whole if I didn’t first find a way to understand every individual thing that made him who he was.
That was where I’d failed. I could see that now, all too clearly, and if I hadn’t been so blinded by my own fears, I would have recognized exactly what I’d done to lose his trust.
Sen had known it on New Year’s Eve, as soon as I’d explained what had happened. He told me what their experiences had done to them, the way the betrayal rooted itself inside of you and the terror never actually went away.
Travis offered me safety, and I hadn’t trusted him enough to accept. But I’d made him promises that held the same weight, and despite everything, he’d taken a leap of faith. He’dtrusted me, and I abandoned him before the weekend was even over.
It was probably like being left at Camp Dumont all over again.
Looking back at me from the page was the stripped down version of him, the one that was damaged and alone and, more than anything, fucking angry.
Why was this the most beautiful version of him I’d drawn?
Chapter 57
Roman
The breakfast in this place was incredible. I’d just taken my first bite of the best Belgian waffle of my life when I heard Travis’ laughter. He was with West, who had two heaping plates of food that he set down beside Linc. I realized that the only empty seat was next to me. Because the universe declared a personal vendetta the moment I was born.
After Travis sat down, I pushed my eggs around my plate. I hit the hotel gym hard last night, and I was hungry today, but I didn’t know if it was worth it to stay down here. Maybe I’d just bring the food back to my room.
I started to scoot my chair back, and Travis looked at me. “Are you gonna run every time I’m around?” he asked quietly.
It was obviously a jab to the past, judging by the arrogant look on his face. I maintained eye contact while I brought a piece of waffle to my mouth. He looked away and started a conversation with Brooks. Feeling eyes on me, I scanned the table and found Kai watching me.
I gave him a ‘what the fuck do you want’ expression, and he just smiled. Or smirked. It was hard to tell with him sometimes. He looked down at his lap, then my phone buzzed.
Kai:You’re giving him fuck me eyes
Roman:I’m really not
Kai:He’s giving you fuck me eyes
Roman:Stop
Kai:You should push him
Roman:Off a cliff?
He laughed and ignored the looks he got from the group. I tried not to smile so I wouldn’t reveal myself as involved with this fucker.
