Page 165 of Catch Me
I chewed on my lip, trying to get out of my head and focus. Too many times since waking up, I’d replayed words that had been exchanged over the past few days. I asked myself what text Roman got that night to make him panic, and I wanted to know what happened at his mom’s place over the holidays.
Explanations didn’t matter, just like I’d said, but he’d mentioned things that I couldn’t get out of my head. I worried that I was once again becoming intrigued by the enigma that was Roman Valdez, and it was worse because he wasn’t the same person as he’d been when he left. I couldfeelthe difference, even just in his presence.
I was happy for him. That was something I could allow myself to feel. Regardless of what had happened between us, I didn’t wish ill on him. He did deserve to have a good life and to find joy. That didn’t mean our bridge could recover from the fire he’d left behind, while I slept through the smoke, dreaming of a future that never stood a chance.
“I’ve gotta get down there,” I noted, already turning away.
“What happened with you guys the other day?”
I stopped and looked at him again. “What do you mean?”
“After the escape room. When we got back to your house, you weren’t home yet.”
“Nothing happened. We just cleared the air and went our separate ways.” Rolling my lips, I pushed my hands into my pockets. “Why isn’t he here?”
“No idea. I texted to ask when he’d be here, but he just said he was staying in.” He kept his eyes anywhere but on me.
I needed to get to the locker room before Spencer had to hunt me down, but Sen’s words carved a pit into my stomach. The last thing I needed was to be unable to get them out of my head while I was playing. I was going to get us this win. That was a promise I’d already made to myself.
“What aren’t you saying?” I asked, getting closer and dropping my voice. The other guys were spread out in the suite, oblivious to the rest of the world, and I trusted Sen, even if I didn’t want him to make assumptions about my intentions. I had none. Just curiosity.
“Nothing.”
“Sen, I’m serious. You told me something’s going on with him. What is it?”
“It’s just...” He sighed and took my arm, moving me over to the wall. “You know how angry he always was. He’s worked on that and done a lot to stop himself from pushing people away. He’s actually changed a lot, but it was a cloak, you know? Now, if he fights that anger, all of that stuff inside him builds up.”
“Does he explode?”
“Sometimes, but not as much now. Tilian spent a couple of weeks in Chicago in February because... Well, it got dark. For a while, he’d have panic attacks.”
“Not anymore?”
“Not often, but he gets really bad migraines.”
My heart raced from his words. “Is he sick?”
“No. A lot of pressure and stress. Look, I don’t want to tell you all this. It’s not my place. If you want to know, go talk to him.”
“I won’t have time.”
“After—”
“I need to rest, not dwell on the past. We’re going to Boston after this.”
He met my eyes again. “You’ve changed too.”
“I haven’t.”
“You’re not as warm as you used to be—not as upbeat. You don’t get on LIVEs anymore or post much.”
“I can’t. You know that.”
“The person from last year would’ve found a way. You cared about it as much as you care about baseball. Without it, you don’t feel the same.” He crossed his arms over his chest, which made me feel defensive.
“Every week, management got on my ass about it,” I reminded him. “I can’t take the risk.”
“I know you love baseball, but does it fulfill you the same way? Are you happy giving up such a big part of yourself for it?”
