Page 163 of Catch Me
“He’s a good kid.”
“I heard you,” I said, feeling exasperated. “I don’t know what you mean, though.”
“Genuine. Good-hearted. You know.”
I couldn’t help but snort. Genuine. That was an interesting way to describe him.
“What happened with you two?”
I took a large bite of my hotdog. Turning away from the house, I watched Tessa chase West, then whirl around as Linc went to snatch the ball from the ground. He froze, keeping eye contact with her. I heard him swear and swipe it just before she charged him. He threw it to West, who caught it barehanded, then tucked it like he was holding a football and sprinted away.
“Why would anything happen?” I asked finally.
“He said you aren’t friends.”
“Okay?”
“Christ, Trav. Since when are you so testy?”
I scoffed. “Testy? I’m tired, and maybe it’s weird to discuss why I’mnotfriends with someone. There doesn’t have to be a reason.”
“But is there?”
“Doesn’t matter.” I brought a Coke to my lips and drained it. When Tessa wrestled Linc to the ground, I chuckled and shook my head.
“Alright, tell me what you were saying about the Rangers,” Dad suggested.
Looking down at my plate, I tried to decide if I wanted to. “I’m just feeling the pressure, I think.”
“To win?”
“There are a lot of expectations.”
“I’d tell ya it’s not about winning, but you’re in the major leagues, so that’d be a lie. It’s notallabout winning, though.”
“I know.” Leaning against the deck railing, I moved a chip around my plate. “I guess it’s just that my vision of it as a kid didn’t really match up to how it felt.”
“How’d it feel?”
“Amazing. But also terrifying. And I thought, there’s no way this is how it was for Féliz. He didn’t look like he was ready to throw up when he threw that last pitch.”
“Neither did you,” Dad pointed out. “Dreams are different from reality, but that isn’t bad. I’m sure Féliz was feeling exactly the way you were. And how you are.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Are you not happy?”
“I am. Of course I am. It’s just like something is missing.” Setting my plate down, I shrugged. “Probably just overthinking it.”
He was silent, looking deep in thought. We both watched the guys play with Tessa, who couldn’t be happier than she was right now. She’d miss all of the attention when they were gone, but she’d just have to settle for having me, as usual.
Stretching my neck, I inconspicuously glanced inside. Roman was staring at the guys too, and after a second, he looked down at his tablet. I wondered if he was drawing Tessa right now. There was abuzz under my skin, this urge that I recognized. At one time, he’d told me that I could watch him draw whenever I wanted.
“Sometimes,” Dad said, thankfully bringing me back to the moment, “when something is so important to us that we build it up in our mind, it also feels like it raises the stakes. It can tip in one way or another, and we want to hang on to our original perception of it. But it doesn’t have to turn out exactly how we envisioned it for it to be everything we wanted. If everything was like that, life would be pretty boring, I think.”
“But what if we don’t like what happens?”
“Who cares? Win or lose, this is still your dream, Trav. Stop trying to control the journey. Just live it.”
