Page 146 of Catch Me
Linc dropped back beside me. “Will you be my boyfriend tonight? He always embarrasses me at big events.”
“I wouldn’t call this big,” I countered.
“Big enough. He’ll talk to everybody. Every single person. Then, he’ll introduce them to me.Every single person, Roman.”
“Stop being such an introvert,” Kai teased.
“I’m happy the way I am, thank you very much.”
I laughed. “You just fucked up by dating West.”
“I heard that,” West called. “Watch it, Valdez. I’ll shove you right into Trav so you have to face him head on.”
My lips pursed, but I didn’t respond. It would just make him want to pester me more.
Kai threw an arm around my shoulders as we walked up to the house, then leaned closer. “I love Travis, but we’re friends too. Need a getaway car? I’ve got you. Need to cry? I’ll grab Linc for you.”
“Funny.”
“I know, but seriously. We’re here for the games. If the rest is too much, we’ve got you.”
“Thanks.”
He removed his arm and flashed me a grin before he caught up with Sen and spun him around. I chuckled when he dipped him backward and kissed him. Somehow, they’d become more disgustingly adorable since they got engaged.
I looked around the living area, then quickly backed up. My heart was trying to flee my chest, and I could just imagine it bursting out, just to fall on the floor and draw more attention.
When I was outside again, I moved to the side, hiding in the shadows on the front porch. I leaned against the wall, drawing in deep breaths.
This was a terrible idea. Why hadn’t I fought harder when Til dragged me out of the hotel? Just because I was in town didn’t mean I had to see Travis up close. He’d be pissed. Or he wouldn’t give a shit. Which was worse?
Digging in my pocket, I pulled out a bottle of pills. This was the exact sort of scenario where I was supposed to use them, but I still didn’t want to. What kind of man couldn’t control his anxiety and needed to medicate himself?
Fucking pathetic. If my dad knew, he’d have shit to say.
It doesn’t matter,I reminded myself. This was my life, not his, and none of us could be perfect. I could pretend, just like I’d always tried to do, but look where that had gotten me. I’d been depressed, borderline suicidal. Now, I was an anxious mess, but in a different way. There was a way out, at least, a kernel of truth I’d never allowed myself to face in the past, and it was a lifeline that pulled me from the darkness that had tried to swallow me whole my entire life.
I needed that lifeline. If my dad thought I was weak for that, then that was on him. That was what everyone kept telling me, anyway.
Realizing I didn’t have anything to drink, I decided I’d have to go inside one way or another. If it got really bad, I could always leave. The guys would understand. That much I was sure of, at least. As much as they pushed me, they also showed me grace when I needed it.
At one point, I’d felt defeated because I didn’t have friends like this. Now I did, and I hadn’t expected it to make me want to push myself. Sen was happy. I could be happy eventually too.
Holding the pill in my closed fist, I stuffed the bottle back into my pocket and took a deep breath before I stepped out of the shadows. Someone came up the steps, nodding a greeting at me. I offered the guy a forced smile and followed him inside.
My stomach was acidic as I moved further into the house. It looked exactly the same aside from a bunch of baseball decorations. They weren’t shitty birthday party ones. It looked pretty professional.
I veered into the hallway, then shut myself inside the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, I cupped water in my hand and used it to wash down the pill. After splashing some on my face, I gripped the edge of the counter and looked at myself in the mirror.
My black button-up felt like it was choking me, so I undid the top button and rubbed my neck. Moving both hands to my hair, I shifted the strands around, making sure just a couple of them fell over my temples. My dark eyes looked clearer than I felt, but as I stared, they began to shine.
I blinked a couple of times, then forced myself to walk out of the bathroom. There was no reason to stress myself out more. I was here to enjoy the party. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to see the World Series, especially from the vantage point we’d have. It didn’t matter if things were awkward. I was a goddamn adult, and I could handle this.
There were some people in the main room, but I could see the lights on in the back and I heard voices coming from out there. Not quiteready to explore further, I moved into the kitchen. There were a bunch of snacks across the island, but I wasn’t hungry, so I went for a glass of champagne, using it to calm my nerves while the pill did its work inside of me. Bad choice of chaser, sure, but I’d survive.
I looked out the window while I drank it. There were a lot of lights and tables in the yard. It felt wrong to see it like that, without the peacefulness that had existed the last time I’d been here.
It didn’t feel familiar at all until I heard a bark. The next second, Tessa came in through the back door. Her tail wagged as she came toward me. I set the champagne glass down and crouched in front of her, scratching her ears in the way she loved.
