Page 122 of Catch Me
“Um . . . Once.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a second. “Only once?”
“You’re gonna think this is stupid.”
Holding onto his sides, I pushed him backward until he was sitting on the bed. “Tell me.”
“It’s easier to justify it if I don’t.”
“Ah. It feels less gay if you top.”
He just shrugged. I considered what to say to avoid freaking him out. He went for my briefs, but I grabbed his wrists.
“I don’t really bottom.”
His eyes widened. “Oh.”
“If that dynamic doesn’t work for you . . .”
“Fuck.”
I released his wrists, trying to hide my disappointment. This happened sometimes when you weren’t vers. It was a part of life. This one was different, and I hadn’t really thought about it up until now.
“If you’re gay, why don’t you bottom?”
Sitting beside him, I laughed a little. “Gay means you’re attracted to and have sex with men. Not everyone enjoys things the same way. It’s okay that you don’t want to.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You didn’t really say anything aside from ‘fuck,’” I pointed out.
He sighed, which made me turn toward him.
“When I did it,” he started, “I came so hard that I couldn’t even look at him for weeks.”
I wanted to ask who, but I already suspected the answer to that, and it was kind of awkward.
“After that, I refused to do it ever again. I couldn’t deal with what it meant.”
“All it meant was that you like various kinds of sex. So...” I moved my hands to his legs. “Are you into the idea or not?”
Instead of answering, he slammed his mouth against mine in a way that felt violent. Gripping underneath his thighs, I pulled him forward so that his legs were on either side of me, then I backed up.
“Roman.”
He diverted to my neck, and I dropped my head back. My fingers dug into his legs as my desire built.
“Roman,” I repeated more firmly.
“What?” he asked, sounding annoyed.
“I need clear consent here. Do you want to do this?”
“Depends. Do you know what you’re doing?”
I pushed my fingers through his hair and tipped his head back to kiss his throat. “Seriously?”
“Mhm.”
