Page 187 of Catch Me
I peered around the corner and saw Roman run his fingers through his hair. He dropped his head back against the wall, and I got a glimpse of the side of his face. The skin around his temples was tight and his lips were turned down.
“I don’t want to push him if it’s not what he wants.”
“But he—”
“I know,” Roman interrupted. “Him wanting it is different than him wantingme. Maybe it’s just some remnant of what we had. Even if he does still care about me, if he wants to move past it, he should be allowed to do that, right?”
“No.”
“Til.”
Tilian huffed and tossed a Cheeto into his mouth. “Butyoustill care. How much? Enough to fight for him?”
“I think I have fought for him. Sure, I’d keep doing that, but I also care enough to let him go.”
“Shit, I hate that for you.” He brought a dab pen to his lips and took a hit for a solid ten seconds. “What’ll you do if that happens?”
Roman stared at the floor for a minute before he answered. “I’ll do what I was before, the only other thing that made me feel the way he does. I’ll draw. And one day, I’ll move on. That’s how things work, and it doesn’t matter that I really don’t want to. But...”
“What?”
“Somehow, I know I’ll never feel quite the same as I did with him. And maybe that’s okay. It’s hard to believe something better exists, and I can’t pretend I think that’s true, but all I can do is start over. Maybe some people are better as strangers.”
When Tilian pushed away from the vending machine, I turned around and ran right into Brooks’ chest. He caught my arms and stared at me mischievously. I opened my mouth, but he put a finger to his lips and jerked his chin toward the door. Once we were inside, he cackled.
“You been dropping some eaves, Travis?”
“Um . . .”
“You know. Samwise. ‘I ain’t been droppin’ no eaves, sir, honest.’”
“I’m gonna be real. I can’t process any of what’s happened in the past five minutes, and this isn’t helping.”
“Meh. Why are you sneaking around?”
“Sneaking? I’m not.”
He honest to god pouted. “Man, I want to make another movie reference. Anyway, I’m just gonna come out and say it since nobody else will. You’re being a pussy. Sorry, Tilian would skewer my balls if he heard me refer to pussies as weak. You’re being a coward and you’re obviously in love with Roman, so stop being a bitch—uh, a turd—about it and man up.”
“That one doesn’t bother him?”
He shrugged. “I’m done pandering and he’s not here.”
“Hm. First, I’m not in love with Roman.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
“No.”
“Then, how would you know?”
“I think I’d knowmoresince it’d be an entirely new feeling.”
“Is what you feel for him not new?”
I pursed my lips for a second. “Sure, but it’s not that. Second, I don’t know what I want to do yet.”
“You do know. You just won’t do it.”
