Page 175 of Catch Me
I walked out the door to a smoking area to escape some of the noise and took a breath of the fresh air. It was chilly out, and it was sprinkling, so I tipped my face up, letting the cold drops hit my cheeks.
“Hey,” I said. “Are you busy?”
“We’re just watching the game. We were hoping to catch you guys on the screen.”
“That would be cool.”
“You sound a little down, honey. What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing, really.”
I knew she wouldn’t believe me, but what was I going to say? She worried, now more than ever. We texted every day and she was adamant about me keeping her updated if things got bad again.
I wouldn’t call them bad. They weren’t good, but I wasn’t spiraling, either. My relationships were amazing and so was my job. There was just this general emptiness that I felt more strongly. But I wasn’t concerned about eventually getting through it, which was how I knew I’d grown this year. The things in my life fulfilled me, and whether or not there was something missing, I’d learned to find happiness in myself, even when it was hard.
“You can tell me,” she said softly.
“I know, Mom. It’s not anything major, I promise. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Want me to sing the lullaby that used to always put you to sleep?” she teased.
I chuckled as I paced. “Maybe next time.”
“Oh, he’s out!” I heard Alex shout in the background.
“They’re on the screen,” Violet said.
There was a sound of disgust from one of them. “That was a lot of tongue.”
“Tongue?” I repeated.
“Kiss cam,” Mom explained. “Brooks and Til, then those other friends of yours. The tall, wild one.”
“Ah, not surprised.”
“Where are you at?”
“Just wandering around.”
“How’s your head?”
“Mom, I’m fine. Really.”
“Alright, if you say so. Just don’t hold things in, okay? I know it’s hard, but you have to let them out.”
“If I need to, I will.”
“Oh, Mrs. Murray wanted me to ask you if you’d draw that cow of hers.”
I laughed. “She wants me to draw a cow?”
“Yeah, it’s getting old and it’s her favorite. She said she’ll pay you.”
“Well, send me a picture of it and I’ll see what I can do.”
“I know painting isn’t your usual mode, but that would be really cool, don’t you think?”
“Maybe. When I get back to Seattle, I’ll play around with it.”
