Page 134 of Catch Me
“I’m assuming there’s only one right answer to that.”
He grabbed my desk chair and swung it around. After he sat, he smoothed his palms down his jeans.
“What Til said—”
He held up a hand. “He told us.”
“Everything?”
“I don’t know, but anything else is between you two.”
“Is she mad?” I asked softly.
“No, but she’s confused and upset.”
“Because I’m . . .”
“Because you didn’t talk to her. Everyone’s experiences are different; I know that. Your father is who he is and that can’t be easy, but your mom loves you. She’ll love you no matter who you are or who you love.”
“I know.”
“You’ve seen the changes me and my family have made over the years. The viewpoint I had back then is vastly different from who I am now. I’m not your dad, but I care about you like you’re my son. If you’ll let me, I’d like to listen to you and try to understand you. It’s something I’ve been doing with Til, and I think you may need that as well.”
A single tear rolled down my cheek as I passed him the tablet. He looked at the drawing, then at me.
“The baseball player.”
“Travis,” I replied. “I stayed with him while I was in Georgia.”
“Your mom said you got a hotel.”
I shook my head. “I lied. I thought we weren’t going to get along, but we did. Before I left, I made him a promise, then I broke it. I ran.”
“Why?”
Taking the tablet back, I showed him the text from my dad. “He said some things that made me panic because I know he won’t accept it. Some people at school found out and I just...” Shaking my head, I tried not to drown in my emotions. “I just can’t stop being afraid.”
His brows pulled down and he pursed his lips. After he took a deep breath, he leaned his elbows on his knees. “We’re all human and we make mistakes. All of us have chances to earn forgiveness, from God and the people around us. I believe that goodness is somewhat complicated and its qualifications are different to everyone, but throughout my life and my studies, I’ve identified one thing that is required for a person to be good.”
“What is it?”
“A willingness to change, whether it’s your beliefs or yourself as a person. Change is one of the most difficult things to implement in your life, but without it, it’s impossible for us to grow. If we can’t grow, we’ll always be stuck, and that means we can’t move forward. If people weren’t willing to change, slavery would still exist, womenwould be considered property, and my sons wouldn’t have been laughing with their father at Christmas dinner tonight.
“Your dad refuses to change—not when your mom begged him so they could save their marriage, not when I told the church that we would love everyone like God would, regardless of who they are, and not when you told him that you don’t want to be a tattoo artist. You can keep waiting and trying to convince yourself that you can be what he wants or you can choose to be happy with the people who love you no matter what.
“The thing is, Roman, the longer you do this, the harder it gets and the angrier you’ll become. You’ve treated my sons terribly, and still, I’ve never given up on you because I know you aren’t your dad. If you keep hurting the people who love you, though, they’ll eventually walk away, not because they’ve stopped loving you, but because it’s safer for them. Do you hear what I’m saying?”
“I don’t want to keep hurting people, Ross. Even Brooks and Tilian. I don’t hate them, and I know I haven’t been fair.”
“Til will forgive you. Brooks will do anything Til wants, even if he complains about it. You just have to choose who you want to be and you have to stick with it.”
“What if I can’t?”
“Then, you lean on those of us who care and we keep you upright until you’re ready to keep trying. As for your situation with Travis, I’m not the right person to help you with it. I don’t know him, but there’s someone who does, the same person who can help you figure out what’s happening inside you.”
“I don’t know.”
“Think about it. Don’t rush. Your mom is sleeping right now, but I’d like it if you would talk to her tomorrow.”
