Page 68 of Totally Played
I click on a bar called McNabbins and scroll through the photos, and the second I spot the candy bar claw machine in the background of one, I know I’ve found the right place.
How long is this flight again?
Chapter twenty-one
Calvin
MynightwithAshleywas amazing. Perfect. Intense and fucking glorious. Then I opened my eyes the next morning and saw him sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t have the heart to wake him. I also was a giant chickenshit and didn’t know how to have the morning-after conversation. I haven’t been in a relationship in forever, and this is all so new to me that I’m worried I’ll say the wrong thing and he’ll think I’ve changed my mind. In reality, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to walk away from this man, and that thought scares me more than anything. So I left quietly and headed home for a shower before meeting the team for our flight.
I was going to call him once we settled into the hotel, but the coach told us on the bus there that he’s planned some meet and greet for us at a community youth center for at-risk teens. No way would Ash want me to skip out on that, so I’ll call him after.
***
The meet and greet was fun. At the very least, it distracted me from my thoughts for an hour and a half, but the whole bus ride back, all I can think of is Ash.
Tony pulls me aside when I step off the bus with the rest of the guys back at the hotel.
“You’ve been quieter than usual. Everything okay?” he asks.
I nod, because my mind is swirling with thoughts of Ash and what I’m going to say to him.
“Do you want to go grab a bite to eat?”
“Sure, I guess.”
He grabs my arm and pulls me to the side, away from the others. A few guys glance our way but don’t pay us much more attention than that.
“Something is wrong, so just spill already. Is it Ashley? Did he do something?” he asks, his jaw going tight.
“No, nothing like that. It was me.”
“What did you do?”
“I just got in my head after…”
He releases my arm as realization spreads across his face.
“So you two… and then you got in your head, how?”
“I sort of left before he woke up and then we flew here, soooo…”
“Dude.” He chuckles, and I groan.
“I know. I suck.”
“What were you worried about?”
“I don’t really even know. I was fine with everything. I am fine with everything. Maybe that’s the issue, though. I still don’t feel like I’m gay, or bi, or queer. None of those labels feel right to me, and I guess I’m worried if I can’t figure that out, I’ll mess it all up with him, and then I’ll never feel like this again.”
“That good, hey?” Tony asks with a wink and a smirk.
“I’m not talking to you about sex.”
He scoffs. “Fine, but for the other stuff, just give yourself time. If Ash really likes you, he’s not going to be scared off by a little cold feet after your first time. It was your first time, wasn’t it? Like, there wasn’t some college tryst you never told me about, was there?”
“Would I have come to you to ask about all this if there was?”
He shrugs. “I guess not.”
