Page 59 of Totally Played
“Yeah, the parents are waiting for me outside. You want to come?”
“Thanks, yeah, that would be good. Ian is in LA covering a story about a tennis player. It still blows my mind that I’m actually a player now instead of reporting on them.”
“You’re better at this. That catch in the third was amazing.”
“Not sure if that is a compliment about my baseball skills or a dig on my reporting.”
“Both.” I laugh, and he tosses a small yellow rubber duck at me.
“Do you just carry these around wherever you go?” I ask, and his smile widens.
“Maybe. So I saw Ashley out there with your parents tonight.”
“Yeah, he came with his best friend Redmond,” I reply, turning to busy myself packing my gear away so that he won’t see how warm my face has gotten after just the mention of his name.
“So are they coming to dinner, too?”
“Yeah, probably. You know how my parents get. They’d invite the whole stadium if Riverside had room. Well, all except the Bananaramas.”
“Those Ramas are intense. I’ve blocked all of them on socials now, but they just create new accounts and start all over again. You would think they would get the hint, that kind of intensity from a fan is just too much.”
“I know, right.”
“So, I know I said it before, but if you need to talk to anyone, you know, other than your brother about the Ashley stuff, you can hit me up. I’ve been where you are, and I know how confusing it can be to suddenly not know exactly who you are.”
I turn and sit on the bench seat in front of my locker.
“I asked Tony how he knew he was bi, but he’s known for ages. He was always attracted to both guys and girls. I’m not attracted to guys, just Ash.”
“That’s totally cool, too. Like, there is nothing written somewhere that says you have to like all guys or none at all. Could you imagine if everyone in the world were attracted to everyone else? We’d all be fucking all the time and nothing would ever get done.”
I laugh and turn the rubber duck over between my fingers, trying to decipher the feelings I have for Ash.
Duckie moves to sit beside me.
“I know there are a lot of labels out there, the list is growing all the time, but you know what? You don’t have to pick one. You can just like Ash and let that be the only thing that matters, because really, in the grand scheme of things, that is all that really does.”
“You know,” I say, holding out the little rubber duck for him. “You actually give pretty good advice for a total goofball.”
“Since I met Ian, I’m more of a part-time goofball, but thanks.”
The door to the locker room opens, and Tony is there with his bag slung over one shoulder.
“You good?” he asks, gaze moving from Duckie to me and back.
“Yeah. I am,” I reply, actually trusting those words as they leave my lips. Because Duckie is right. It doesn’t really matter what label I use; the truth of it is that I like Ash. Who I liked before doesn’t matter, and right now, I can’t imagine liking anyone else, ever. That thought should be terrifying. I’ve known Ash for a few weeks. But it’s the opposite. The thought of it being me and him forever brings a sort of warm buzz spreading through me, and suddenly I can’t wait to get out there and see him.
“Duckie is coming with,” I say, and Tony nods.
“Great, let’s go. I’m starving.”
***
I thought I would tell Mom and Dad about me at dinner, but with Duckie and Red there, too, I decided I should probably wait and tell them when it is just us. Or them, me, and Ash, maybe. Besides, how exactly would I explain what I am? Do I tell them I’m bi, because that would be an easier thing for them to understand than the truth, which is that I have no clue, so to label it would probably be more like undefined. I like Ash and am…dating him? Am I dating him? Maybe I should have asked that question before the top or bottom one.
I grab out my phone while the waitress has my parents distracted with another drinks order, and quietly text him under the table.
CALVIN: So, probably should have asked this before, but are we dating? Like, exclusive dating?
