Page 35 of Totally Played
I should be happy a guy Tony is dating is a decent person. It’s true Tony’s always made sure the people he dated, at least long term, were nice enough to me. A girl he dated for about three months in college was great at pretending to be nice in front of Tony. Then, as soon as she got the chance, she’d make it very clear to me that she didn’t like having to share her boyfriend. Like bitch please, we shared a womb, ain’t no chick going to ever top that. I didn’t want to say anything to him because he seemed to be really happy, but he got to see the real her soon enough. He wore one of my “boring” shirts to class one day, his were all in need of a wash. He sat beside her, and before he could say anything, she told him to find another seat because she didn’t sit with loser wannabes. He told her he didn’t date fake-ass bitches and moved to sit up the back with me.
“I’m not sure you two actually have all that much in common,” I say, trying to sound blasé about the whole thing.
“If he likes you, he’ll love me, because I’m just you, but younger, hotter, and queerer.”
“Sure,” I say, and I nod toward the television. “Hit play already, younger, cooler me, before I fall asleep.
We watch the game, the commentary around my hit is surprisingly good, except for when they call me B-one. I really wish they’d come up with a better nickname. Other than that, I can’t help but think about what it might mean for me if Tony and Ash really do hit it off. If these feelings really are just because of our fast friendship, then him dating my brother won’t be an issue, but even the thought of seeing them together turns my stomach. Is it jealousy? Do I just want to keep Ash for myself because I’ve always shared everything with my brother, and for once, I had something that was all mine? Except he isn’t mine. He’s a friend who has every right to date whoever the hell he wants. So why is it that the idea of him dating my brother makes me feel all twisted inside?
How do I figure out if these feelings are more than just a fast friendship?
“Hey, Tony.”
“Yeah?” he asks before laughing at Yoyo walking back to the dugout, an animated goose sulking across the screen to signify him being struck out.
“How did you know you were bi?”
He presses pause on the television and turns toward me; one eyebrow cocked. I hate that he can do that. I never figured out how and end up looking like I’m having a seizure when I try.
“Oh yes, I’ve been waiting for the day you came to your senses.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Mom and Dad know how to make some sexy queers, that’s all. I mean Cosmo is as gay as they get, Brent is, too, and I’m bi, Rachel swears she’s straight, but she had that thing in college with her TA. You were the holdout.”
“Forget I asked.”
“No, no, come on. Sorry. I’m hopped up on cold medicine. Ask me again. I promise not to make it weird.”
He’s practically bouncing in his seat, and I consider just going to bed, but I sigh and ask it again.
“How did you know you were bi?”
“Our sixth-grade teacher, Mr. Wellington.”
“You kissed our teacher?”
“No. I had my first wet dream to our teacher. Do you remember him?”
“Not really, was he tall?”
“Tony rolls his eyes and clutches a cushion to his chest.
“He was all sorts of gorgeous. A total Chris Hemsworth type.”
“If you say so. So you knew since then?”
“No. I knew I wasn’t straight since then, the bi thing I sort of figured out in college when I still liked both chicks and guys.”
“So you feel the same way toward all of them?”
“No, I mean, it’s like…I am attracted to some people and those people just happen to be both men and women.” I should give him points for not saying chicks again. This is not helping. I can’t tell him that I’ve started to have feelings for Ash. How do you explain to your brother that the guy he asked you to keep warm for him has been making you warm in so many new ways?
Fuck, this was a mistake.
“I think I just like recognized a guy as being attractive. That’s not anything, right?”
He shrugs. “It could be. But don’t get caught up on trying to define it now. Just go with it. Let it be what it will be.”
