Page 68 of Saddles and Snowstorms
Chapter 24
Rowan
Shock.
That was all I felt. And all I had felt for the past three days. I couldn’t think or feel anything else. My body felt numb from head to toe and my heart… I wasn’t even sure it was working anymore. I was still walking around and breathing of course, but I just felt…hollow.
The last thing I expected was Brooks to blow up on me. Maybe blow up was the wrong word… but he just rejected me out of nowhere when I needed him most. I didn’t understand it. I thought we were doing well, that everything was going splendidly. But now I was sitting alone in my apartment after another long day of work, except this time he wasn’t on his way over. We weren’t going to fuck or cuddle or just enjoy each other’s company. That wasn’t the important part though. The person I cared most about in the entire world wanted nothing to do with me. And that, more than anything, wounded me down to my core.
It was all happening again.
The numbness began to crack, pain seeping through the fissures like water through a breaking dam. I reached for my phone, staring at the screen, willing it to light up with his name. Nothing. Three days of nothing.
I’d replayed our last conversation a hundred times in my head. The way Brooks had stiffened when my old boss showed up unannounced.How his eyes had gone distant when I got the offer to move back to Austin, like he was looking at something a thousand miles away. Fear filled his gaze until he broke. Then he just told me to leave, to go back to Austin and live my life like we’d never even met.
The memory of his face—jaw tight, eyes dark with pain—made my chest ache. I’d seen Brooks angry before, seen him frustrated dealing with ornery cattle or a sprained ankle. But this was different. This was real fear, the kind that comes from the darkest places inside a person. I thought he knew me better than that, that I wouldn’t leave him high and dry without an explanation.
Maybe he was tired of me. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had grown exhausted with my presence. My ex was the same way, but he kept me around out of convenience. Is that what Brooks had been doing too? Was I just a piece of ass to him? Was everything he told me about not letting people in a lie?
I dragged myself off the couch and to the bathroom sink, splashing cold water over my face to snap myself out of my thought spiral. It was getting out of control. I didn’t think Brooks hated me. I was actually starting to think he loved me back. But if that were true, how could he push me away so easily?
The bathroom mirror showed a man I barely recognized—hollow eyes, stubble that had grown past rugged into unkempt. I hadn’t been sleeping well. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Brooks turning away from me.
I grabbed my phone again, scrolling through our text history. The last message I’d sent him sat there, unanswered.
I don’t understand. Please talk to me.
My thumb hovered over the keyboard. Pride told me not to send another message, not to beg. But this wasn’t about pride anymore. This was about something that felt real, something I wasn’t ready to let go of without a fight.
I’m not leaving for Austin. I never planned to. I just wanted to talk about it with you.
But I didn’t press send. Instead, I deleted the message before tossing the phone onto my bed. What was I doing? He’d made himself clear. But had he? All I saw was a man terrified of something,and I knew Brooks well enough now to recognize when he was running scared. But how the fuck was I supposed to fix it?
The evening stretched out before me, another night alone with nothing but my thoughts and the memory of his calloused hands on my skin. I couldn’t bear it. So, instead of wallowing in my bedroom, I forced myself up, put on my boots, and walked across the street to Dolly’s Diner. I hadn’t eaten since the day before because I was upset. But my stomach wasn’t going to put up with it any longer.
The bell above the door jingled as I pushed inside. The diner was nearly empty except for a few regulars hunched over their coffee cups at the counter. Dolly looked up from where she was wiping down a table, her eyes widening when she spotted me.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” she said, but her usual sass was tempered with concern. “You look like hell warmed over, sweetheart.”
I slid onto a stool at the counter, not bothering to deny it. “Feel worse than I look.”
She came around, already pouring me a cup of coffee without asking. “You want your usual?”
I nodded, though food was the last thing on my mind. The coffee scalded my tongue, but I welcomed the pain. At least it was something to feel besides the hollowness.
Dolly busied herself putting in my order, then came back, leaning her elbows on the counter. “He came in yesterday, you know.”
My head snapped up. “Brooks?”
She nodded, her eyes searching mine. “Looked about as bad as you do. Maybe worse.”
“Did he say anything?” I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice, but I was pretty sure I failed miserably.
Dolly pursed her lips, her brow furrowing. “Not much. Just made his delivery and left. I couldn’t even get him to have a cup of coffee and that ain’t like him. Not to mention, he looked awfully hurt, more so than usual.” She raised an eyebrow in my direction. “You know anythin’ about that, sugar?”
I stared into my coffee, letting the steam warm my face. What was I supposed to say to that? That we’d been more than just friends? That I’dfallen for the most closed-off man in Sagebrush and now I was paying the price?
“I might,” I admitted quietly. “But it’s not what you think.”
