Page 8 of Otter Heart
I leaned back in my chair, tipping my head toward the sky.
I never knew I was such a hassle to be around. Or that I’d encased myself within a wall of ice.
When did that happen?
Chapter Four: Adam
Three days had passed since my cookout with James and Rowan. I hadn’t really left the house since. They’d given me so much to think about that I wasn’t really feeling like being social. Besides, I was starting to feel a little bit of buyer’s remorse with the sudden upheaval of my entire life.
At first, I thought I missed my apartment. But the cabin was way better and a hell of a lot quieter. Waking up every day to the sounds of nature and the best view in all the world easily outstripped anything my apartment could offer. Plus, I didn’t have to go down three flights of stairs to do laundry.
Then I thought it might be because I missed my friends and family. Truth be told, I didn’t see my family much. My mother was a nag of the highest order, and my father was distant to say the very least considering he’d fucked off after I came out. Turned out I apparently inherited that trait from him, which I wasnotproud of. And as for my friends, well I don’t think I really missedthem, I just missed the company they provided me. I was realizing very quickly that I didn’t particularly like being alone. Without a job to worry about and no social calendar to distract me, I was finding it very hard to escape from the spiraling thoughts inside my head.
After my talk with the boys, I was thoroughly convincedI was a terrible person. They’d done everything they could to convince me otherwise, but I didn’t believe it. I’d somehow managed to drive a hundred different guys away in the past ten years. There was no way there wasn’t at leastonethat I should’ve been compatible with. But I’d been so cold and mean to them that they all packed up and left.
Realizing that I truly was the problem all along hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d been holding out hope that my ex was just exaggerating or that he was making things up completely. I’d hoped that Rowan and James would spend all night reassuring me that I was the best person they knew and that someone perfect was waiting for me just around the bed. That I was a catch worth having.
Turns out that wasn’t quite the case. Lucky me.
But sitting around the cabin all day feeling bad for myself was starting to get old. I’d already done so much moping that it was starting to lose its charm. Not to mention I’d already eaten my way through an entire tub of ice cream and eaten fried takeout food every single night. I felt like shit from abusing my body like that and I knew I needed to get out of the house.
“Time to sweat some of this depression out, I guess,” I muttered as I headed toward the door.
Exercise wasn’t really my joy in life. Rowan had tried several times to get me to be part of his business, stating that I was in excellent shape. Granted, he’d seen me a year ago when I was still feeling okay. But this past year had quite a lot of clubbing, which meant a lot of drinking and shitty food afterward. The physique I once took so much pride in was starting to wane. Considering I was approaching my mid-thirties, that needed to change. My metabolism wasn’t gonna get any better.
My habits on the other hand, they could improve.
“Hey Google,” I said, glancing down at my phone as I pulled my shoes on. “How far should sad people run to make them happy?”
“According to search results from the FDA, Seasonal AffectiveDisorder affects approximately five percent of the adult population in the United States,” the feminine robot replied.
“Some fucking help you are,” I mumbled, pulling myself to my feet. “That was not even remotely relevant.”
A quick manual search didn’t help either. Out of the top ten results, I got ten different answers. All of them ranging from a simple ten-minute jog to a bare minimum of five miles according to a jacked dude that looked like he ate steroids for every meal.
The internet, once again, was completely unhelpful.
Surveying a map of the immediate area on my phone, I saw that Hardwood Beach was only a couple of miles away. At the very least I could take myself on a walk to the beach. And, if I was feeling frisky, I could jog a bit of the way as well. There was a pretty low chance of me feeling like I wanted to run, but sometimes I surprised even myself.
Grabbing my keys and my sunglasses, I headed out, locking the door behind me. The smoothest way to Hardwood Beach would be along the main road. I could walk along the sand, but owners had a tendency to be very bitchy about people walking on their beach. Walking on the road, however, would spare me having to put up with some irate Karen and there was a hiking trail where I could duck into the woods for half the journey as well.Thatsounded like the better option.
Slipping in my earbuds, I started down the driveway and turned onto the main road. I kept well onto the shoulder as I walked. There wasn’t much traffic, but what did go by was going full speed. The last thing I wanted to do was start my new life in the hospital or with my leg launched into space by a rogue pickup. However, I only saw about three cars before I found the trailhead and headed into the woods. Apparently tourist season wasn’t quite in full swing just yet.
I figured I was about halfway to the beach when a sound beyond my earbuds caught my attention. Stopping dead in my tracks I pulled them out and strained my ears trying to find the source of the sound. It was a gentle rustling in the dry leavescovering the forest floor. And the longer I listened the more it sounded like it was getting closer. It also sounds like it was gettingbigger.
Panic started to set in as I turned in a tight circle looking for the noise. I felt like it was right on top of me, and my mind wandered to the possibility of a predator. It wasn't unheard of to see bears in this part of the state and being so close to the State Forest area made it even more possible that one could wander in. Believe it or not the last thing I wanted to do was tangle with a black bear on my first day out.
When I suddenly heard a twig snap behind me, I spun around and held my arms out in some vain attempt to keep my attacker at bay. However, as my gaze came to rest on a small golden figure, I realized how silly I was being.
It was a dog.
“Jesus H Christ,” I muttered, putting my hands on my knees as I let the tension out of my body. “You scared the shit out of me!”
The dog, completely oblivious, just trotted over and sat down in front of me. She seemed completely at ease and not concerned in the least that she'd almost given me a heart attack. Instead, she just cocked her head to the side and panted, staring at me with all the intelligence of a half-drowned goldfish.
“What?” I asked, knowing she wouldn't answer. “Do you need something?”
Nothing of course. Just panting. Judging by her long golden hair, she was probably roasting out here in the heat.
