Page 60 of Otter Heart
“You could’ve asked literally anyone else. All of your neighbors adore you and they’re much closer than I was.” I reached out and took his hand, my own shaking. “So, I want to know… Why me?”
There was a long moment of silence, nothing but the sound of my own heart beating to keep me company. His eyes darted to the side, and he bit his lower lip, like he was battling with himself. Clearly, he wanted to say something to me, and I braced myself, terrified to hear what it was.
When he pulled his hand away from me, I felt my heart drop. But as he reached up and wrapped his arms around my neck, it sped up once more. I stared at him, trying to figure out what was going on. But his expression confused me. He was nervous and so was I. But why were we acting so odd? A few days ago, we had all the comfortable trappings of familiarity between us. And now… now there was something else. A hesitation and a fear that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
Then, without a word, he leaned up on his tip toes and pressed his lips to mine.
The whole world around me stopped. Time came to a standstill as I felt him press against me. My body stiffened and for the smallest of moments I had the thought that I should pull away. That I was leaving, and this wasn’t going to help either of us. It would only make the separation hurt worse.
And I didn’t know the truth. Was he kissing me because he merely enjoyed it or was he doing it because he cared?
Could it beboth?
Finally, my body could no longer resist him. Throwing caution and questions to the wind, I leaned into it, opening my mouth and letting him inside. The world tilted around me as we kissed, the pair of us flushed with passion. I don’t know how much time passed before we finally pulled apart. But when wedid, both of us were breathless.
“Does… Does that answer your question?” Mateo asked, staring up at me with his hands still around my neck.
“N-No,” I replied honestly.
“It means I don’t want you to leave.”
“Why?”
Mateo grinned, shaking his head. “Because Iloveyou, you idiot.”
My heart nearly stopped in my chest and cold shock filled my body. “W-What? How long?”
“Since that night you described the sunset to me,” he smiled. “I knew then.”
“But… why didn’t you say anything?”
“Would it have mattered?” he asked, his face falling. “You’re leaving and you made it pretty clear you wanted to keep things casual between us.” He glanced down at the floor, his hands falling to his sides. “I figured that liking you too much was pushing you away. I thought I’d have to let you leave without telling you.” He shook his head. “But I think you should do whatever makes you happy, Adam. Don’t stay here just because I said something. You deserve to go out and make the life you want. I just wanted you to know.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Mateo had been in love with me for over a week and he never said a word.
“But… I was afraid thatyouwanted to keep things casual,” I said at last, tears threatening already. “I was terrified that if I told you how I felt, you’d push me away.”
Mateo looked up. “How do you feel about me?”
“I… I love you too…”
He smiled and then he started to laugh. “Why didn’t you say anything?!”
“Why didn’tyousay anything?!”
“I just told you!”
“Well, I was too afraid to say it out loud, so I tried to do stuff for you, and you got all upset! I thought if Ishowedyou how I felt instead of said it, you might warm up to the idea faster!” Ihad so many emotions threatening to overwhelm me that I had to take a step back. “Why did you push me away?”
Mateo sighed, reaching out and taking my hand. “I wasn’t trying to push you away, Adam. I promise. I’m sorry if it came across that way but I’m just as bad at doing the relationship thing as you are. This has been a lot of practice for me too.” He lifted my hand to his lips, giving it a kiss. “I asked you to back off because Ineedto maintain my independence. After my accident everyone tried to baby me. They thought I couldn’t do anything for myself because I was blind. It took meyearsto convince my parents to let me live alone! And then you started doing everything for me and a decade’s worth of fighting and irritation came bubbling to the surface.” He paused, blowing out a sigh. “And I’m sorry. That anger I felt… that wasn’t aboutyou. It was unfair of me to snap at you like that. I’m so sorry.”
I bit the inside of my cheek as I stared at him, mulling it all over. “I… I understand,” I replied at last. “And I don’t blame you. Like you said, we both need practice at this. I’ve never gotten far enough with a guy to feel this way before. I find myself wanting to do things for you to show I care. Whether it’s sex or dishes or whatever. I just want you to know that… well, that I love you, Mateo.”
“Maybe that’s what everyone else has been trying to do too,” he nodded. “And I made the same mistake with them. It’s just… it’s stifling sometimes.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. I was the one who didn’t explain, and I should have.” He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Maybe we can find a balance between independence and care.” He buried his face against my wet shirt. “If you want to stay, that is.”
