Page 52 of Otter Heart
“How long?”
“Six months.”
“S-Six months?!” I choked, nearly spitting out my sandwich. “You didn’t think to sayanythingabout that?!” I paused. “Oh god. Are you getting married? Did he propose already because that’s way too fast, Mom.” I narrowed my eyes. “I’m not calling him Dad if you did.”
“Oh my god,” she laughed, patting the back of my hand. “Calm down. We’re not getting married, and you don’t have to call him anything. Well, except maybe Patrick, because that’s his name.”
“Patrick sounds like a fat middle-aged plumber who lives in his mom’s basement.”
“Rude.” But she chuckled anyway. “Actually, Pat is a contractor who owns a landscaping business. And he’s definitely not fat.” She fanned herself with her napkin. “He’s built like a brick house. And he… well he knows what he’s doing if you know what I mean.”
I winced. “Unfortunately, I do.”
“But there’s one thing you might find weird.”
I braced myself for impact, my sandwich firmly gripped between my fingers.
“He’s uh… He’s twenty-seven.”
My jaw nearly hit the table. “Mother!” I whispered, putting my sandwich down and leaning forward. “You’re acougar?!”
She rolled her eyes. “Not on purpose! He was my yoga instructor and we got to talking and you know… he was showing me some advanced poses and then we wereinsome advanced poses…”
“Please stop.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to get that image out of my head.
“Sorry.” She continued to fan herself. “It’s all just kind of…invigorating. I feel like I’m back in college again.”
“And hear me out,” I added. “But you’re sure this guy isn’t trying to just hit you up for your social security check or steal your investments or something?”
“Honey,” she said with a stern tone. “I’m only fifty-six. I’m not on social security. And I’m still working, anyway. Plus, I hate to break this to you, but if I had investments and money big enough for him to steal, I wouldn’t still have a job and Idefinitelywouldn’t be living in Michigan. I’d be in a condo in Florida tanning on the beach.”
“Sorry,” I muttered, shaking my head. “I just… I don’t know. I don’t want anyone to take advantage of you or hurt you like Dad did.”
“Don’t you worry. I learned my lesson. Pat isn’t in a rush to get married and what we have is fun and fresh. I’m not sure where it’s gonna go, but we’re happy.”
“Do you love him?”
She looked surprised by my question but smiled anyway. “Yeah. I do. And he loves me too. And that’s enough for us.”
It was my turn to sigh dramatically, burying my face in my hands at self-pity attempted to swallow me whole. “I’m happy for you. I really am.”
“The age thing doesn’t bother you?”
“Honestly? No. I’d rather you were happy than date a guy your age to be more acceptable.”
“Then why do you sound so upset, honey?” She reached out, pulling my hands away from my face. “What’s going on out here?”
I didn’t want to answer her. I knew the moment I did the floodgates would open and then I’d have to hear the truth. But after my text conversation with Mateo, it seemed like there was very little hope of the two of us getting together in arealway. No, the truth was the man I’d fallen for didn’t want anything to do with me. I was just a toy for him to play with like all the others until he eventually got tired of me and sent me on my way.
“It… It happened again,” I said, my voice soft. “I found a guy I thought was going to be something and it turned out he’s not. And it’s all my fault.”
“I’m sure it’s not your fault, honey–”
“It is,” I said, cutting her off. “I was the one that set the expectations at the beginning that our relationship wasfake. That I was just going to use him for practice so I could be better with other guys in the future.” I buried my face in my hands again. “And then I was a fucking idiot and fell in love with him…”
“Oh honey…”
“And now I can’t even tell him how I feel. The moment I do, he’ll just run away like everyone else.” I glanced up at her, my eyes red and threatening tears. “I was just trying to figure out what was wrong with me, you know? And he’s so sweet and kind and patient with me… but it’s obvious he doesn’t want anything.” My voice hitched. “He made that pretty clear this morning.”
