Page 44 of Otter Heart
“You have a talent for words,” I replied, not letting him pull away again. “The way you described the sunset to me tonight was incredible. I could really see it in all its glory.”
“I don’t know about that…”
“You have a gift,” I said, this time more forcefully. “Believe me. I’m a literature professor. My entire life is words. I know a good set of them when I hear it.”
He was quiet for a long moment. “Well… even if I did and I’m not saying I would… what would I write about?”
“Anything,” I smiled, kissing the back of his neck. “Write about epic battles with dragons. Write about thrilling murder mysteries where the bad guy always seems to get away at the last minute. Write an American classic that will sit forever in the annals of time.” I paused, giving him a squeeze. “Or write about love. The world needs more stories about people like us.”
His breath caught and his body tensed. “People l-like us?” he stammered.
“About gay men.”
The tension melted out of him. “Oh.”
I felt like I’d said something wrong. “Romance books sell well from what I’ve heard. People read them so fast they barely have time to eat or sleep. I know I’ve gotten sucked into a few of them myself.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” He let out a long sigh, shaking his head. “But what do I know about love? I don’t know if I’ve evertrulyeven been in love. I think I’ve been close before, but obviously none of it lasted. How do you write about something you’ve never experienced?”
“You just write what your heart tells you,” I said, placing my hand over his heart. “It knows what love looks, feels, and tastes like. And I know you have a lot of love in your heart to express. I can see it growing more and more every time I see you. You’re coming out of your shell, and it really shows, Adam.”
“You think so?” His tone was hopeful. “Am I actually getting better?”
“Adam. There was nothing wrong with you to begin with,” I said, placing my chin on his shoulder as I held him tight. “You were hurt and scared, that doesn’t make you broken. It just means you need a little bit of extra care, that’s all. And anyone not willing to give you that extra care doesn’t deserve you. You’re too smart, too caring, and too beautiful to put up with anything less than perfection. You deserve the world.”
And I wished I could give it to him.
“Thanks, Mateo,” he said at last, patting my arm. “It’s niceof you to say.”
He moved my arms aside, pulling himself to his feet. I heard him take a few steps and a hiss of air through his teeth as his toes slipped into the cold water. I stared up at him, wondering what was on his mind.
“Will… Will you…” Adam began.
A whisper passed his lips, but the rest was too quiet for me to hear. His words were lost on the night breeze and I had to stop myself from asking him to repeat himself. Whatever he’d said, it was just between him and the universe, a private moment I had no business to barge in on. That was easy enough to tell.
Whole minutes passed and eventually I pulled myself to my feet as well, shaking off the sand from myself and the blanket. It was getting cold, and Adam had to be freezing standing in the water like that.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go back inside and warm up.”
“Mateo?”
“Yeah?”
“Will… Will you stay the night with me?”
I smiled wide. “Nothing would make me happier.”
“Even though none of this is real and we’re just friends?”
His words cut me like a knife. But I swallowed the pain and nodded anyway.
“Yes. Even… Even though we’re just… friends.”
Chapter Nineteen: Adam
Waking up at dawn in Mateo’s arms was probably the sweetest thing I could imagine. The way he held me tight to his chest, his arms enveloping me in a cocoon of safety… that was just the best. Even though I was exhausted after our late night and wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep, I forced myself to stay awake just so I could enjoy every single moment of this newfound peace.
Being in the same bed with Mateo just feltright. I couldn’t explain why. I’d woken up in bed withplentyof other guys and yet, I’d never had that feeling before. There was something beyond a sense of comfort and sex appeal with his naked body pressed up against mine. It was something like…belonging, like I was meant to be there. I couldn’t explain why I felt that way or how I knew I belonged beside him.
