Page 35 of Otter Heart
So, there was no point in telling Rowan and James what I was up to. That would only lead to questions, curiosity, and more heartache when it all finally came to an end. I was already going to struggle with it, so why make it worse?
“I know,” I said at last. “I know I should just get out there and do it, but I want a little time to explore myself, by myself, you know? Taking a break isn’t such a bad thing. I’ve been trying to find the right guy for eleven years. I need a breather.”
James studied me carefully, his arms crossed over his chest. Finally, with a sigh, he let his arms drop to his sides.
“Fine,” he said. “I guess you’re right. I’m sorry I’m pushingyou so much I just… I don’t know… I want you to be happy. We both do.”
My heart swelled with affection for the pair of them. I really couldn’t have asked for a better pair of friends. They felt more like family than anyone had in my entire life, except for maybe my mom. But they understood me on a deeper level. Mom would never know what it was like to live as a gay man in rural Michigan. Rowan and James on the other hand, they lived it. We were all in the same boat and the solidarity feltgood. I could talk to them about anything.
Just not about Mateo.
“So…” Rowan smirked, pulling a set of keys from his pocket. “Do you want to see the farm?”
“Wait… youclosedalready too?!”
“Just this morning.”
“Fuck yeah I want to see it!”
“Come on,” he said, nodding toward his car. “Hop in and we’ll go take a look.”
All three of us got into the car and I took shotgun. James sat in the back center seat so he could lean forward and keep up with the conversation. We’d only just turned onto the main road when my mouth began to run again before I could stop myself.
“Just a hypothetical question,” I started. “But would either of you date someone who was blind or maybe deaf?”
James immediately gave me a discerning look. “Why?”
“Just curious,” I shrugged, trying to play it off. “I’d never really thought about it before, but I’ve seen profiles of guys with those things before.”
“And you ignored them?”
“Well… maybe a little bit. I don’t think I fully understood what I was looking at. When I saw stuff like that in the past all I could think was that it was going to take a lot of effort and I usually steered toward easy.” I help up my hands in my defense. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either of those things, it was just unknown, so I moved on instead of trying to learn. But I’mactivelytrying to be better now. I just wonderedwhat you two thought.”
“I mean, I don’t think it really matters to me,” Rowan answered first. “Those people aren’t missing out on anything, the just experience life a bit differently than I do. As long as we had enough in common and I liked being around them, I think that would be enough.”
“I agree,” James added. “We’ve got a few customers down at the vet clinic that are blind or deaf and they seem to get along just fine. One of them is even extremely handsome.”
Rowan glanced at James in the rear-view mirror.
“Oh, stuff it,” he laughed, patting Rowan on the shoulder. “You can’t blame a guy for getting some eye candy at work. But your dick is the only one I ride.”
“Inappropriate,” Rowan smiled, winking at me. “But I’ll let it pass.”
“We actually have a blind guy that brings in his golden retriever every six months. She’s got a weird name. It’s like Bertha or Belinda or…”
“Bessie?” I offered before I could help myself.
“That’s it!” His eyebrows furrowed in my direction. “How did you know that?”
I shrugged, trying to play it off. “Lucky guess, I guess.”
“Uh-huh.” He eyed me suspiciously but kept going. “Anyway, he’s a very handsome guy and as sweet as can be. I can’t believe nobody has snapped him up yet.”
“How do you know he’s single?” Rowan asked.
“Oh, you know, we talk. Gotta keep the customers happy, right?”
Rowan continued to give James the stink eye. Even I swatted his shoulder.
