Page 56 of Otter Heart
“I never asked you to buy a house close to me…”
“Of course you didn’t!” Rowan reached out, grabbing me by the shoulders, giving me a light shake. “I did it because you’re my best friend! I love you, you stupid fucking idiot because you’re my family! And now that you’re here I don’t want to lose you again!”
I wasfamilyto him. Talk about a dagger straight through my heart.
“I… I didn’t know you felt that way…”
“Then maybe that ex of yours was right,” he huffed. “You really are fucking blind.”
Rowan sniffed and let go of me before heading toward the house. I tried to reach out to grab him, but James blocked me with his arm.
“Let him go,” he said, stepping in front of me. “He needs a minute to himself.”
I watched him walk away, his shoulders hunched. In just a few seconds I’d taken this proud, strong friend of mine and deflated him entirely. The rain came down more, dark spots appearing on my clothing where the cold drops struck. However, that was quickly forgotten as James rounded on me, the look on his face powerful enough to strike a man dead.
“You’re going to tell me what’s going on right now,” he demanded. “And I willnottake no for an answer. You just hurt my man and I’m pretty fucking pissed about it. So, swallow that stupid pride of yours and answer me. What thefuckis going on?”
The intensity in his gaze told me I had no other choice. With one last sigh, I figured I might as well get it out. They deserved an explanation at the very least for all the turmoil I’d caused. I’d ruined their day completely.
“You remember how you told me to try a fake relationship?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I did it.”
“With who?”
“The blind guy that comes into your vet clinic.”
“Mateo?”
I nodded and James let out a small gasp.
“So, what happened?” he demanded. “And don’t try to get out of it.”
I took a deep breath. “We made a deal that the relationship would be practice only. No real feelings. And… well…”
“You fell in love with him, didn’t you?”
Another nod, but this time my movements were full of shame. “And he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” I turned my head to the side, tears threatening once more. “I’m so fucking stupid. And I can’t stand to stay here knowing I’ll run into him again. I just… I want to go back to my old life where guyscouldn’tcut me this deep. It… It hurts so fucking bad, James.”
He gave me a good once over, a pitiful sigh leaving his lips. “So, you told this guy how you felt, and he told you he wasn’t into it then?”
“I…” I paused, stopping myself from stretching the truth. “I gave him chances to tell me how he felt. I even checked to make sure our relationship was still fake. And he never said anything to the contrary.”
“So… youdidn’ttell him how you feel?”
“I…inferred.”
James shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You fucking boys and your emotional constipation, Iswear.” He looked up at me, his eyes blazing. “So, you’re just gonna uproot your whole life again because you’re too much of a fuckingcowardto tell this man to his face how you feel about him? How do you know he doesn’t feel the same?”
“H-He never said anything.”
“Probably because he’s doing the same stupid fucking thing you are andassumingeverything instead of actually asking!”
“I… I don’t think–”
“Obviously,” James retorted, cutting me off. “Because if you didthink, you’d realize you were being an idiot instead of just speaking the truth out loud. Relationships arehard, Adam!Not because the other person is difficult to be with, but becausewe, ourselves, are scared to say the things we feel most! Rowan and you are so much alike, it’s fucking staggering. He was terrified to tell me how he felt too and look at us now! He took a chance and we’re as happy as can be! I bet if you did the same with Mateo, you might actually get somewhere. At the very least you’d have an answer, and you wouldn’t have to spend the rest of your life wonderingwhat if?”
