Page 33 of Otter Heart
“I was really convinced Boo was going to hurt those kids,” she added. “Until the end, of course.”
“I think you’re getting good sense mixed up with prejudice,” I replied. “Good sense dictates that you shouldn’t trust a person stalking you down a dark alley in the middle of the night.Butthat’s not what was going on with Boo Radley. The children were simply spreading rumors about him because they knewnothingabout him and creating prejudice against someone that didn’t deserve it. The adults wouldn’t tell the kids anything, so they made up their own ghost stories to fill the blanks.” I paused for a moment, letting my words sink in. “But Scout didn’t believe them. Instead, she refused to give into blind prejudice and gave a man she knew nothing about a chance to show his true self. And in the end, that’s what saved her life.”
There was some grumbling in reply, like they didn’t quite believe me. I thought about it for a moment, trying to figure out a way to bring this old story into their everyday lives. My thoughts jumped to Adam and an idea bloomed out of it.
“How many of you go on dates or have a partner?”
Most of the class replied with a mumbled yes.
“How many of you would want to date a person with a bunch of emotional baggage from a previous relationship?”
Crickets.
“Why not?”
“Who wants to deal with all that?” one student said.
“That’s not my problem. They should get that sorted out before they start dating again.” another added.
“Yeah, it’s a huge pain in the ass,” said a third. “And a big red flag.”
There were several grunts in agreement.
“Okay,” I nodded. “But what if that person was the perfect one just for you? The one that made you believe true love existed and took care of you and made you feel amazing for the rest of your days.”
“Well… then I’d date them,” a student replied.
“Would you?” I pushed back. “You all just told me it wasn’t worth dealing with. That it was a red flag to have emotional baggage.” I paused again. “All of you who said no to my initial question would’ve missed out on the perfect partner because you let yourprejudiceget in the way of what could have been. I didn’t tell you what kind of emotional baggage or how bad it was or what kind of work it would take to fix it. But you said no without asking. And that,” I said in conclusion. “Is why Scout was saved by Boo Radley and why some of you in this class would not have been.”
There was a long pause.
“Just some food for thought,” I smiled. “Life isn’t as black and white as we would like to believe sometimes. Atticus knew that and so did Scout. Sometimes it’s better to give people a chance than to condemn them for something they might not have had control over in the first place.”
Another chime, but louder this time.
“Looks like that’s all we have time for today,” I said, clapping my hands together. “Reports on this book are due by Tuesday next week. In the meantime, I’d like you to get started on the first five chapters ofWaldenby Thoreau. Then we can start discussing everyone’s favorite topic,hating capitalism.”
There were a few laughs followed by several goodbyes as the students logged out one by one. I gave them a wave and shut down the virtual meeting, letting everyone go for the day. With a sigh, I closed my laptop and leaned back in my chair, crackingmy back over the hard top rail.
“These kids,” I said, reaching down and giving Bessie a pat. She always sat beside me while I was teaching class. I think she just liked the sound of my voice as I delivered my lessons. “They’re all so young and quick to condemn. Hopefully I can help at least a couple of them not be so quick to pass judgment on people they don’t even know.”
Not that I wasn’t guilty of a similar crime once in a while. Hell, even the first time I’d met Adam, I’d judged him the moment he spoke. Granted, he called me a dickhead, so I was working off what little information I was given. Even so, giving him a chance to explain himself and apologize had really worked out in my favor. And he was helping me teach classes without even knowing it!
In a way, I felt like he was teaching me something too. Accepting my blindness was difficult to say the least. I’d grown up in a world full of color only to be permanently and tragically thrust into darkness. If the accident had been even the tiniest bit my fault, I might’ve been able to get over it quicker. But having a total stranger rob you of the sense you rely on most was a lot to swallow as a thirteen-year-old kid.
And even though I’d eventually figured out how to live with it, I couldn’t deny that there was still a small part of me that feltbroken. Like I wasn’t good enough for the men that I wanted to date, so I didn’t even try anymore. It was a dumb thought spiral, and I knew that. But trying to convince myself that it wasn’t real was much harder to accomplish.
However, dating Adam, even if it was fake, was helping me feel a lot more confident. Not only was he learning how to communicate with me, he was also opening up. And that made me feel like I had some merit as a boyfriend. It was the one part of my life I hadn’t gotten much chance to practice either. So, in our own ways, we were helping one another learn how to live a fuller life.
I just had to stop myself from getting my hopes up. Adam was just practicing with me, that was all. Even if we got alongwell and the chemistry between us was scalding hot, it was just practice. We didn’t have a set end date yet, but I figured he’d go on his merry way once the summer was over. Besides, it wasn’t like he could stay jobless forever. No, he’d probably have his fun and move back to the city to start his life again.
It wasn’t like I could ask him to stay. Even if things got more intense between us, would he really want to spend his life with me? The time we spent together was mostly just fun. But did he want to put up with ferrying me places whenever I needed to leave the house? He’d have to explain my condition to his family and ask them to make changes. Then they’d have to be cool with Bessie being around all the time too. And as much as I couldn’t fathom it, some people justdidn’tlike dogs. Maybe that was his family.
No, trying to make this relationshiprealwould just be too much of a hassle. Besides, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for such a thing. I’d lived alone for so long and I’d grown used to it. Would he want me to move? Did I want to have to memorize a completely new place? I was comfortable here in the condo complex. Everything was predictable and exactly where it should be. But if I let a man become part of it, I’d have to not only put up with things being moved all the time, but I’d have to learn how to be a good partner and support him whenever he needed it.
The mountain of effort all of that would take was terrifying to behold.
So, I figured I should probably just be happy with the fake relationship and accept my losses when the time came for it to end. Besides, Adam was never going to fall for a guy like me, anyway. He’d been through over a hundred guys. The odds of me being theonefor him was almost zero.
