Page 17 of Moments of Truth
Darcy said nothing further. For a moment they stood side by side, their unspoken thoughts carried upward to the stars.
“I have never felt what you feel,” Miss de Bourgh admitted, still gazing skyward. “But I pass my days with little company but books and the maids’ gossip. It gives me time to observe.”
Darcy’s heart softened. For the first time that night he felt the true extent of the distance between them, and it pricked him with remorse.
“I suppose you already know everything,” he said at last.
“Oh, pretty much,” she answered with a faint smile.
“If you ask for my frankness, you must be prepared to hear it,” she continued. “I will not claim my truth outweighs yours, but perhaps a woman’s perspective may shed some light.”
“I am listening,” Darcy said gravely. “If you can show me how to remedy Miss Bennet’s accusations, I submit myself to your counsel.”
To his surprise, he meant it. Anne’s words, quiet though they were, seemed to hold a weight his cousin Fitzwilliam’s had not. For in her voice was the perspective of a woman—and to Darcy, that lent it peculiar power.
“Miss Bennet’s accusations of you are not without reasoning. However, I must say, her prejudice towards you is astounding. Growing up, I have always felt the same way about you, and many women and men have said the same –”
“Really? How is it that I never heard of such a thing while growing up?” Mr. Darcy was surprised to hear.
“Because they all wanted to be friends with you. No one would openly say something to make them fall out with Mr. Darcy,” Miss de Bourgh said sarcastically. “Your mannerisms and speech convey arrogance deeply seeped into your bones. If one did not take the time to study you and pay enough attention to you meticulously, it requires no effort on such a person’s part to assume you are arrogant,” Miss de Bourgh said.
“Why have you never told me this?” Mr. Darcy was slightly surprised to hear.
“Forgive me, Cousin, but you have never cared…until now.”
Miss de Bourgh’s words struck Mr. Darcy. She was right. He had never cared what others thought about him in youth,because everyone wanted to be his friend. As an adult, numerous men and women tried to curry favour with him. He had not had anyone tell him that he came across as arrogant.
“However, you are not. Sadly, it takes a certain rapport with you to make that truth obvious. What a mirage. The closer one gets to you, the clearer the illusion of pride appears.” Mr. Darcy found his cousin’s tone to bear a note of lamentation.
“I do not, however, blame you. Knowing you, I can imagine the people you must have encountered. These must have been men and women who walked up to you for what they could get from you while not caring about loyalty and friendship. The same could be said of me. Men have shown interest in me, but I can see right through their façade. They care nothing about my happiness, and neither does their confession of love amount to anything. They all have their sight set on my inheritance. Such a man who marries me will never have to worry about his finances for the rest of his life. That is why Mother wants us together.”
Mr. Darcy silently listened to his cousin. He did not interrupt her but paid rapt attention to her words. It was the second time someone had told him the truth without caring about his feelings.
“Miss Bennet cannot be blamed for her shortsightedness. However, it still does not excuse such prejudice against you. From what I know, you have in no way been rude to her save for your comment on her family. No woman or man would happily listen as their family was ridiculed in their presence. I trust you must have had your reason for what you said. However, Miss Bennet does not. She does not know you as I do. That is something you need to change.”
Mr. Darcy had been silently listening when he perked up. He quickly turned to his cousin. “What do you mean?”
“What has happened to you, Cousin? Has a woman so easily defeated you that you no longer have your wit?”
Mr. Darcy could see the slightly teasing look and smile on his cousin’s face. “To think a day would come when my cousin would speak to me in such a manner. Truly, this spell Miss Bennet has cast on me has stripped me of my sanity.” Mr. Darcy could only pity his present dilemma. He had never been in a situation like this. He was utterly clueless on a matter and, worse, a matter that deeply affected him.
“It is no spell. It is simply what easily beseeches every man and woman on this Earth. Did you think yourself immune to it?”
Mr. Darcy turned away from his cousin. He could see she was determined to mock his present dilemma. However, as soon as he looked away, he realised his silence and avoidance were the same as admittance.
“Did you?” Miss de Bourgh burst into laughter.
Hearing his cousin mock him, Mr. Darcy was annoyed. However, turning to look at her, he felt his anger subside and be replaced with a smile of his own. Darcy could not remember the last time he had seen his cousin like this. They must have been children then, as far back as he could remember, Mr. Darcy thought.
“I apologise.” Mr. Darcy saw his cousin looking at him with remorse. She could tell he was slightly annoyed by her constant teasing.
“To love a woman is one thing; to gain her love is another. Confessing your feelings to Miss Bennet does not mean she is compelled to feel the same way. To make matters worse, she sees you as a villain. The only thing you can do is tell her the reasons behind your decisions. The choice shall then be left toher. You cannot force or coerce her to incite the flame of love for you. Only through the subtle use of words can you truly hope to convey your reasons to her. However, Cousin, I must warn that this does not automatically mean that things between you two will be resolved.” Miss de Bourgh had a sombre expression.
Mr. Darcy, who had been listening, nodded his head in silence. What his cousin had said was the same thing Colonel Fitzwilliam had said but in a different manner.
“It is getting late. Goodnight.” Miss de Bourgh slowly walked away. Mr. Darcy watched the slowly departing figure of his cousin and smiled faintly. He could tell she had left because she wanted to leave him alone to process his thoughts. As Darcy watched her enter the manor, he felt warmth. He was genuinely grateful for her advice. It had helped him immensely. Listening to his cousin had made him better understand Miss Bennet and her reservations towards her. Secondly, it had also enlightened him to Elizabeth’s flaw – she was prejudiced against him.
Realising this, Darcy knew the best approach was not to see her again but to communicate in a manner where she would not have to see him. He believed the mere sight of him was probably repulsive to her.
