“There,” I said, “there’s more to it than the ceremony?”
A mortifying realization struck me. “Are you talking about sex?”
Her jaw unhinged, but she snapped it shut. “That bastard.”
I pulled my hands from hers and covered my face with them.
“That’swhat Circe has been pushing us to do?” I whined.
I better understood now why Mel didn’t get why I hadn’t…seen things through with Ryder. The gods knew I was attracted to him.
“No, Elle,” Melanie said gently. “There’s more to it than that, but I really don’t think I should be the one explaining this to you—”
“If you don’t,” I interrupted, “who will?”
Certainly not my mate.
As Melanie told me exactly how wolves bound their souls to each other, I cursed Ryder for forcing me to have this conversation with her. Though I was grateful to my friend, I didn’t understand how he had never told me this, not when things had stopped being for show a while ago, and not when I had conveyed every dark, ugly truth about myself.
When tears pricked my eyes, I ducked my head in shame.
“Elle,” Melanie whispered, “he probably didn’t tell you because he doesn’t want to pressure you.”
Or he doesn’t want you.
I couldn’t silence the insidious thought. Even my chimera couldn’t make sense of Ryder’s actions.
Why wouldn’t he tell me?
Part of me wanted to curl into a ball and cry, but that wouldn’t get me the answers I needed. There was only one person who had those, and he was the last person I wanted to face.
“Thank you,” I told Melanie, “for explaining.”
I snapped the book in my lap shut and stood.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
If Ryder thought I was too fragile to learn why he didn’t want to claim me, I would prove to him I wasn’t. I was strong enough to face any truth, no matter how ugly it might be.
No matter if it breaks my heart.
“To find my mate,” I answered.
???
Pulse drumming in my ears, I pounded on Ryder's and my bedroom door. When he opened it, I stormed inside without hesitation. Steam poured from the bathroom, but I walked through it, and the words I had barely held at bay on my walk here clogged in my throat. Like a madwoman, I paced the length of our bedroom.
“Elle?” Ryder called.
Something squeaked, and the water quieted. He fumbled for something, and I sensed him appear in the doorway behind me. His bergamot and pine scent coiled in the air. Facing away from him, toward the crackling hearth, I paused.
“Ellie?” he asked softly.
Like always, he spoke to me with such care.
It only made me angrier. The dam on my lips cracked.
“I know,” I said. My voice was lower and weaker than I wanted it to be. I swallowed. “I know what a claiming is.”