Page 8 of Coup De Grâce
“No,” I said immediately, unwilling to go that far. I couldn’t.
“It’s a risk we have to take,” Shadow said. “If you want this to end, this is the only way.”
“By shooting my own fucking brother?” I shouted, losing my shit. “I already pulled the trigger and killed one member of my family. Now you want me to do that again?” I turned to Knight, equally pissed at him for agreeing to this. “Is that really what you fucking want? To end up dead with your wife at the mercy of these assholes?”
“She won’t because you aren’t actually going to kill me.”
“Yeah?” I scoffed. “And you can predict what a bullet will do once it enters the body? What if I hit bone and it ricochets into your fucking heart? What if they tell me to point the fucking gun at your head?”
“They won’t tell you how to do it,” Shadow said quietly.
“And you’re willing to risk your other son’s life on what you believe they’ll do?”
“Well, he never really thought of me as a son,” Knight smirked. “Did you, Dad?”
“You know it wasn’t like that,” Shadow snapped.
“Do I?” Knight’s gaze slid from our father’s to mine. “I trust you.”
“You shouldn’t,” I spat, angry that he was putting me in this position. “If anything goes wrong…” I shoved my fingers through my hair, tugging at the strands. “They’ll ask me to fucking prove my loyalty by killing you. And I won’t be able to hesitate. I would have to fucking pull the trigger. I would have to risk the fact that I might kill you.”
“And you’ll fucking do it,” Knight snapped. “Because if you don’t, our families will never be safe. My wife and kids will always be at risk. Eva and your kids will never be safe. Izzy?—”
“I fucking know!” I shouted, spinning away from him. “Fuck!” I spun and kicked the chair across the room. It splintered into two pieces, but that wasn’t nearly enough to quell the anger burning inside me.
“You can’t ask me to live with that guilt,” I whispered. “Don’t ask me to pull the trigger on you. I can’t—” I sucked in a breath as Rafe’s pleading eyes flashed in my mind. It would never fucking end. Even when all was said and done, I would still have those memories, the flashbacks that taunted me on a daily basis.
I felt Knight’s hand on my shoulder and he squeezed hard, pulling me out of my depressing thoughts. “You can do this. You have to. There’s only one way to ensure our family’s safety, and that’s by ending this once and for all.”
I finally looked up into his eyes, terrified I would find judgment, but all I saw was the same steely gaze that always looked back at me. How could he not fucking blame me? How could he sit there and pretend that we were still brothers?
“I fucking told you to do it,” he spat. “Stop looking at me like you want to turn the gun on yourself.”
I shook my head, desperately trying to wrap my mind around the insanity of everything that had happened recently. I was losing my fucking mind, barely holding it together with each day that passed. I missed my family. I missed the simple life I had before Rafe came along and blew it all to shreds.
Why did I ever have to find out about what he was really after? Why did I have to find Izzy? Fuck, I knew there was nothing that would have stopped me if I’d found out about her sooner, but now…now I just wanted to go back in time and have a do-over.
“So, what’s the plan?”
“I have to leave for a meeting tomorrow morning.”
“Where?”
“Toronto,” I said, shoving back my chair. I walked over to the counter and grabbed two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. Beer would probably be better, but I’d killed a man today, and even if he deserved it, it still felt like it stained my soul.
“How’s the family?” I asked with a little too much bite in my voice.
“Holding up.”
“And you?” I asked, turning and sliding a glass over to him. “How’s the bullet hole?” I nearly choked on the words, but covered it up by swallowing the whiskey in one smooth gulp.
“Healing. I’m not as young as I used to be, which pisses me off. But I’ll be fine.”
I nodded, staring into the empty space of my glass. “And Kate? How is she taking all this?”
He sighed, glancing away from me. “Is that what you really want to talk about?”
“Yes,” I snapped. “Because if I have to talk about strategy or who I’m going to kill next, I’ll go insane.”
